The book as time travel device.

Even as a younger man, I had an affinity for “middle aged man in trouble” novels, of which there are many. I especially enjoyed those of Larry McMurtry, who wrote excellent novels of male ennui when he wasn’t writing Western [as in cowboy] novels. I especially enjoyed his “Thalia cycle,” which chronicled the lives and loves of the people of a small Texas town through oil booms and busts, beginning in the Fifites and ending in the 00s over five novels written over a four decade span. I believe I've written about them in past posts here.

When I was around 18, I loved the second book, Texasville. In that one, the main characters were in their late 40s. I was especially interested in the various crises and dramas of Duane Moore, the oilman who did not seem to particularly enjoy the oil business, his family, or much else. The occasional affair gives him a momentary spark, but then it’s back to melancholy. He is not in touch with himself, as a man who most likely rarely thinks of such things and perhaps thinks they’re for other people. For whatever reason, as an 18 year old I identified heavily with Duane without understanding why. Perhaps I thought this was what adulthood was like; being tired of things and having the occasional affair to spice things up. Young adult ennui also matches up with middle-aged ennui, despite different motivations. I know some would say that younger people’s angst can’t compare to the stress of the older set-- faced with mortgages, kids and other family pressures, but I’d say their worries are no less valid, just different. But Texasville doesn’t have the same appeal for me it once did—it’s a very dialogue heavy novel, with a lot of short scenes. It’s a very funny book, and I think the charm of it is that despite financial and marital pressures, no one in the book seems to really take anything too seriously. Going broke, ending marriages, having affairs, or feeling like your life has become a movie of which you’ve long ago lost track—none of those things seem to really weigh on anyone in the book except possibly Duane. I’m the same age as Duane in the novel, and perhaps the reason it no longer works as well for me is that I know it’s a glossed over version of what tends to really happen at this age. Things bruise and sometimes even scar. The events of life take a toll no matter how stoic we try to be.

The jewel of the series is the third book, Duane’s Depressed, written in 1999. Without realizing why, Duane suddenly decides to walk everywhere, almost as an act of rebellion against his entire life up to this point. He eventually ends up in therapy. The character is in his early 60s at this point. I was in my late 20s when this book came out and I enjoyed it, but I became especially attached to it in my early 40s and still read it every couple of years. I like the notion of evaluating your life and deciding it isn’t enough or that at least it’s time for something different.

Proust also figures heavily in this novel, as Duane’s therapist advises him to read all of Proust as part of his therapy. In many ways, these [and other] books are like madeleines for me, though when I indulge in them I am specifically trying to invoke memories and imagine the type of person I once was, my routines, responsibilities, and concerns. Life was easier and somehow more difficult at the same time, if that makes sense. My responsibilities were few, but my cares were many, and I seemed less equipped to manage them. I suppose it makes sense that I’d find refuge in the story of someone who suddenly decided they were done with whatever they’d been doing up to that point. Duane’s Depressed speaks to me especially now, as I go through so many personal changes which seem to difficult at first but have already felt worth it. I hope to eventually be as Duane at the end of the book, prepared to travel to places he had always dimly imagined wanting to visit but had never taken the steps to do so. Maybe in another 10-15 years I’ll feel the same about Duane’s Depressed as I do about Texasville, but I doubt that will happen.