Looking at the bright side.

Valentine's Day is just another day again! Seriously, I do try to list the things that I no longer have to worry about now, though they have been replaced by other worries. Feel like there are so many things I need to do these days, but I try to just do what I can, even though that isn't much. Sometimes the main goal for the day is to do the dishes. To just go outside and walk for a while. To read [I'm still finding reading difficult, which greatly saddens me.] Work remains unsatisfying. I'm starting to think it won't get better. I haven't even been here a year and I'm already in a rut.

Deadly tedium....

It's winter now, and I'm still adjusting to it. The days are getting longer, thankfully. I try to remember to use a light therapy lamp half an hour a day. It's pretty cold and I often don't care to walk or go places like I used to. Which means staying in my apartment, which I don't really like. I still try to go out at least once or twice a week, though nothing like I was doing during summer and fall.

I don't really have an end goal anymore. Retirement, I guess. I feel like much of my life has been poorly spent, I guess that's a common thing to feel at this age. Trying therapy again soon. We'll see. Gotta keep moving. I hope the weather starts warming up in a month or two.

One of the hallmark signs of depression is losing interest in things you were once excited about, and I can say that's true. I have trouble reading. A lot of the online communities I enjoyed earlier this year have lost their appeal to me. I'm not really interested in exploring the city or even in going to many of the places I used to enjoy. I've kind of lost interest in going out and drinking. I can sometimes do passive activites like watching something online, but even then I often lose interest in shows. I tend to favor older movies these days just because they aren't so long.

I'm less fearful about 2021 after today, but really wonder what the year will bring.