Twilight of the Clod

Just a crap day today, not even In-N-Out could cheer me up....

My birthday is in a couple of days, and I guess that's part of it. Things just aren't good. I'm "on the backside of thirty" as an old country song goes, and although that isn't what's depressing me, just that I feel so far behind as far as where I thought I would be at this stage in my life. I am struggling to start a career. I have no retirement. I have no real stability. My quality of life in my later years is probably going to take a major hit due to all the events of the past few years as far as saving for retirement.

No idea if things will ever improve. I checked out a book of interviews with David Foster Wallace [Gen-X era writer who recently committed suicide] I guess in the hopes of getting some kind of perspective.

I ended up turning down what probably would have been a job---as a customer service rep. I feel guilty about it, but it was a shift that I don't think would work with our household's schedule, also, I guess I still have too much pride to do that kind of work. The whole reason I went to grad school, got into accounting, got my CPA, etc., was to get out of working weird non-standard hours and performing work that didn't require more than a HS diploma. This seemed like taking a major step backward.

Of course, I'm second guessing myself about it now, but I really hate talking on the phone and dealing with people so chances are I would not have done well at it. The main reason I'm having misgivings is that I began my career with the Quasi-Federal Agency with a Reputation for Workplace Violence in a similar, "temporary" position that ended up being a full-time job which I held for nearly seven years and which, sadly, is my most successful workplace experience to date.

The good news and the bad news....

Good news: I did better than last time on the interview. It was a mix between the last two, I had to answer seven or eight pre-printed questions, then got to ask one of my own [and ended up having to answer a couple of others.]

Three person panel this time, yuck. I miss the days of one-on-one interviews, I haven't had one of those since February, I think. I also miss the days of private company interviewing where it's more of a conversation instead of an examination with pre-printed questions.

The bad news: I think it still isn't good enough. I just don't have governmental accounting or auditing experience. And I can't seem to explain things without sounding stupid, although I didn't ramble nearly as much as back in March. Guess if I'm wrong I'll hear something next week. I don't really expect to. Nobody cares if I studied things in school or passed the CPA exam.

Accounting firms *might* start doing a little more in the way of hiring soon, that may be what I end up having to do. It's the only area where I have any experience, even though it's just a year and the work I did isn't relevant to where I am now. I hate the idea of public accounting, but maybe a smaller firm wouldn't be as bad. Anytime the ads say thing about a "Self-starter" though, I know things will be rough.

What is a person supposed to do? I am a good worker, but I'm a follower, not a leader. I'm a self-starter in that I will continue asking if there's anything to help with, but I need guidance, at least at first. I think sometimes self-starter is business-speak for "We are unwilling/unable to train you."

Trying not to think about what's going to happen if I can't find a job by this fall. If I'm going to relocate [probably live with my parents and try to find work] I need to do it while I have unemployment checks coming in. I despise the idea of not seeing my spouse more than a few times a year, but I'm already more than a year unemployed now, and it's not looking good even though I keep applying to things.

Oh well. I'm trying not to think too much about it yet.

Other good news: Although I obviously didn't do 31 posts this month, I at least did better than last month. Well, maybe not good news. No one really cares.

Inactivate....

So...I've decided to register as "Inactive" for my upcoming CPA renewal. I just haven't been able to get the CPE done, I suppose it's a matter of not having the will and just having too many other things to do, and also the usual depression/lack of initiative. Yet another failure on my part.

I have doubts about the whole accounting thing now. Sometimes I think I am a little too smart for my own good. I think I am a capable enough student to where I can do well when taking classes. But just because you are good at something in school doesn't mean you will be good at it in the workplace, and sometimes I wonder if that is what is happening here. Hopefully not. It is probably just the economy. I need to start preparing for the interview next week.

I've also neglected to write here, I still want to write about a favorite writer who passed away a couple of weeks ago. Maybe before the end of the month....

Outta town.

Staying with my wife this week while she's on a business trip. I'm mainly just hanging out in the hotel enjoying the high speed internet. We have a Stone Age dial-up connection at home [right now high speed is a huge hassle to get and we just haven't had the time to mess with it yet] so it's nice to actually be able to really use the Internet, watch movies on Netflix, etc.

Deja vu all over again....the county has called yet again for an interview, and this time it is with the same office I interviewed with back in March. I would wager that I will end up meeting the same people again, and try to somehow convince them that something has changed in the last three months to where I am a good fit for the job that they have already turned me down for. I'm hoping I'm wrong.

Nice to get away from the miserable summer heat at home, too bad we go home tomorrow.

State of the Dis-Union.

I originally called this "75 posts" but it turns out I mis-read my Dorkography and this was more like 65 posts.

Sometimes I think about the purpose of this blog. I am doubtful whether "anyone is out there," and I guess this is about the same as writing in a Word file or what have you.
But I like the idea that this is available for people out there to read, even if no one ever does.

Doing some travelling next week, it will be a nice change of pace. I haven't really traveled anywhere [outside the immediate region] since last fall when I visited my hometown for my grandmother's funeral. Haven't even been to the larger cities within 2-3 hours of here.

No word on the county job, as I said, I'm not optimistic anymore so I will just consider it a pleasant surprise if I get a call. Someone did call today and I got momentarily excited, but then it turned out it was a recruiter [more vague promises, although give them kudos for keeping in touch.]

Allegedly, an unemployment extension may pass next week, which will give breathing room for most of the rest of the year---I will be able to move on to the next "tier" of unemployment benefits, and possibly the one after that.

One of my favorite writers just passed away, and I will write about that next time.

On to the next thing.

The county is supposed to let me know this week, we'll see. If I don't hear anything at all I'll assume I didn't get it.

A place I used to work at during grad school is hiring a bookkeeper, so I'm going to try that. It's a non-profit so the pay will be low but it is more in line with what I feel is my career goal these days. When I worked there before it wasn't in accounting/finance so it may be different this time. We will see what happens.

The Senate is back this week, so the whole unemployment extension drama will start again. It was kind of nice to not have to worry about it last week since they were on vacation. No idea what will happen, people have said "don't worry, they'll pass it," but they were saying that weeks ago and now millions of people have lost their benefits. If I do end up losing them I will probably try to temp and hopefully that can at least help out a little. Our income will be curtailed quite a bit at that point. I'm trying not to worry, but it is hard not to.

Give it a B. Maybe B-.

The interview....similar to the last county interview. Five questions, no real opportunity to ask questions or really interact. It wasn't as bad as last time because the job mainly involves basic accounting, not audit specific experience. Still not sure how well I measure up to the five or six other people. I'm not optimistic, it does not really pay to be these days.

More later. Finished DEAF SENTENCE.

Deaf Sentence

...is the title of a book by David Lodge, a British author I had not heard of. I saw the book in the store last week and liked the look of it, so I checked it out from the library. Just started it, it's funny but reads a lot like the average conversation with my father-in-law.

I never write about coffee, even though it is one of my favorite things. I used to like 7-11 coffee due to its price and the variety available, but have been off of it lately. It's starting to all taste the same. The main reason I am avoiding the 7/11 though is that I am tired of being panhandled and freaked out by scary meth head type people every time I go there.

I also tend to start avoiding places when the clerk/staff get a little too familiar with me and my comings and goings, asking personal questions, etc. That's just me.

Went to Starbucks today for that extra cup of coffee [we make coffee every morning but I always want more, and some different variety than what we have] only to find they have raised their coffee prices to the point where I ended up just getting a mocha latte because it costs the same. Won't be going back any time soon.

Wound up getting some Earl Grey tea from Trader Joe's, I'm just going to make a cup in the afternoons. It'll also save money, because even 7/11 coffee adds up if you get it every single day.

I'm trying not to think too much about the interview. I am preparing for it, but trying not to obsess, because I think I may not do as well if I do that. I'm a great fit for this, and need to let them know that. Need to review a few items about the basics of governmental accounting, read up more on the agency, and so on. I don't know if they will hand me a sheet of paper and tell me to answer the questions on it or if it will be a more informal interview, either way, I want to be ready.

Okay, maybe not....

Maybe not a post a day in July [already missed that this weekend] but 30-31 posts during the month?

Just saw an annoying movie called HAPPY TEARS. I wait for the day when a movie offers a realistic portrayal of children stuck caring for aging parents who often did not actually parent. No heartwarming crap, no life lessons learned. Just the sheer thanklessness, guilt, and misery, the lives deferred, the taking things out on others, the avoidance of responsibility, etc. Having a character mess his pants once or twice during the course of the film doesn't make up for it. It's also rare that you run into a situation where one of the children has the money and resources to care for the parent as happens here.

Will never happen. Who would want to see it? More importantly, who would put the money up to make it?

The movie was written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein, son of artist Roy Lichtenstein. Meaningless anecdotes: When I was a senior in high school we did a class trip to Washington DC. We went to a modern art museum [can't remember where, maybe the National Gallery] and they were doing a retrospective of Roy Lichtenstein. He actually was touring it at the time and started at me, probably trying to decipher my Simpsons T-shirt [the Simpsons were still pretty new at the time.]

In college, I dated a woman who worked for a famous photographer [or at least he was famous in photography/advertising circles.] He owned a huge funky old building in New York on the Bowery. Apparently, Roy Lichtenstein used to rent a floor of the building. A few years after that, I went to the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh, and saw some of Warhol's old mail in an exhibit. Some of it was from Roy Lichtenstein, and the return address was that very building where my girlfriend at the time had worked and where I had spent quite a bit of time when visiting her.
/meaningless anecdote.

Note to parents:

Your child's behavior is nowhere near as fascinating or interesting to other people as it is to you. That is all.

A post a day in July?

Can it be done?

Got a letter today regarding my interview. It actually is with the county, yes, same place as back in March. Difference is that this is more of an entry level position, Accountant I, and I would be working in a single department. I've already found some info online regarding the job, and after the interview in March I have an idea about some of the things they may ask about. I think they just took some of the top scorers from the exam in February who didn't get selected for the last job and are interviewing them for this. I think I have a good chance. Only bad part is, the county is laying off a lot of people. I don't know if they're laying off accountants, or if they would get rid of someone who just got there [and doesn't cost them as much as a senior person] but we'll see. Hopefully even if that does happen I can at least stay a year and be able to, yep, collect unemployment.

This could be really good. I am a much better match for this than some of the other things I've interviewed for.

Reading BIG MACHINE by Victor LaValle. I literally had to wait nearly half the year to get it. The library has one copy and it was in high demand. You'd think they would order more, but I guess they have the usual budget problems. Maybe they could order a few less copies of a best-seller than no one will remember in a year.

I've just barely started, but am intrigued to see what will happen next. A sort-of-ex-junkie gets a mysterious letter telling him it is time to pay back for something that happened nearly 20 years ago. He drops everything and heads to Vermont to live in a cabin with several others who have received similar letters. It seems like they are going to be entangled in a bizarre cult or pyramid scheme. I'm dying to find out. Great writing, a great main character, and a great story.

Also reading a long bio of Harry Truman, I guess that will be my long non-fiction book of the month that I may or may not finish. Last time it was the civil war narrative that I got 400 pages into before surrendering.

Excited.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm excited about the interview next week. I will resolve to do my best, and if I do get the job that will be a bonus.

I have applied to other things as well, so this isn't the only thing I have going right now, but it's currently the best thing I have going. I've applied to a city government job that just closed that I should eventually have to do an exam for [pretty much the same as the the county job back in March, except no auditing I hope] and some accounts payable stuff that I probably won't be considered for.

Still no call from the Agency Everyone Hates. I don't know if I just didn't get picked this time, if I wound up not needing to be interviewed, or if they're just behind. There is a week before the interview period that the recruited told me about is over.
I will probably e-mail them next week.

Lots of exciting books coming out soon, but right now I only have a few. I am resolving to blog more this month, so I think I will cheat and post about them in a little while.