Appliances concluded.

The appliance thing was terrible. They claimed nothing was supposed to be installed, and intended to just leave the boxes of appliances in our living room. Then they agreed to install things, but said there would be a charge, but they weren't authorized to say how much. The customer service person on the phone told us the same thing, there would be a charge, but they didn't know how much. We're anticipating a major expense that will probably be equivalent to one of the larger appliances we purchased. Home Depot sucks.

At least the appliances are nice [other than the dishwasher, which they claimed they can't install, so it's still in its box, sitting in our living room. We will probably just pay someone else to install it.]

I found a treasure trove of books that are soon to be released which I am excited about. Whether I will have time to read them or not will depend on what the last place I interviewed at decides to do. I've heard nothing since Monday. I'm wondering if they might postpone a decision until after New Year's. Today's mail brought no rejection letters, so maybe I still have a chance. If not, something else will happen I guess.

Waiting for Appliances and other things

I’m waiting for some appliances we ordered to be delivered today. They were supposed to call between twelve and four. It’s almost one. I’m hoping sometime in the next hour.

And yes, I’m also waiting for a call about my last interview. They contacted me earlier this week asking for an unofficial copy of my transcripts. That seemed like a good sign, but I haven’t heard anything since then. If it doesn’t work out, I’ll be really disappointed and depressed for a while, but we’ll just move on to something else. We are probably going to make some major decisions based on what happens with this last interview…if I get it, we’ll stick around here a couple of years. If not, we’ll probably start working toward leaving sometime in 2011. It will be a ton of work, but that may be what it takes to get me back in the workforce and to have us return to some kind of stability. I’m okay either way.

I’m reading MATTERHORN by Karl Marlantes. I’m about three quarters through it. The author served in Vietnam and wrote a novel based on his experiences. The interesting thing is, the novel was only published this year, and it’s winning all sorts of accolades and awards. I would like to find out if he’d been working on the book for all those years, or if it was something that just percolated for a long time until he felt it was time to write it.

I’m always interested in cases where books take years to write. I just started COMPASS ROSE, a sequel to SPARTINA. SPARTINA came out in 1989, when it won the National Book Award. COMPASS ROSE came out this year. Yet the story continues more or less as if the events of SPARTINA had just occurred [only a few months pass between the end of one book and the beginning of the next.] Did the author take a break on the characters for nearly twenty years, then start up again? Or was it a case where the book was in the process of being written for several years and only now has been published? Supposedly it is to be a cycle of novels about fishing life in Rhode Island. I wonder how many remain and if they are finished.

Maybe it’s a situation where the characters lie dormant for years and then start speaking to the author again, like friends who make up after a fight. Another author I like, Poppy Z. Brite, had a series of mysteries that was ended after three installments [I believe one remains unpublished.] It was a case where the publisher decided they didn’t think there was a market for the books [which was ridiculous.] In her blog, she mentioned that she sometimes dreams of those characters, and is glad that they continue to have some kind of existence even if she is no longer writing about them.

Still waiting. I’m hoping they probably are finishing up lunch and then will come by in the next hour. I will be glad when today is over.

Kidding myself....

...that anyone is actually reading. As I've said before, this is more of a diary for me [similar to my pal Thee Whiskey Rebel.] But Merry Christmas anyway.

I haven't seen my family [that is, parents, grandparents, etc.] for Christmas in seven years. Always been too broke or had bad stuff going on [we've had a string of Christmas stresses/tragedies for the last three years, and I'm hoping like crazy this year may break the streak.] It's something I really regret, but I recognize it as one of the sacrifices I've had to make to get certain things that I wanted out of life. I'm hoping maybe next year, although it is too late in some ways---I've had one of my grandparents pass away over that seven year period, and another has developed severe dementia. I will always feel a lot of regret about leaving the place where I used to live, even though I wasn't happy there a lot of the time.

And of course due to all the various bad stuff that has happened over the past few Christmases, it has always become a time to dread, something that I always hope will pass without incident. I probably won't really relax until after New Year's. And then we'll be back to worrying about my last job interview. I have an exam for one of the county jobs [different county than the one I live in] in early January, I'm hoping like crazy I will have gotten a job offer before that. I don't really want to go through all the rigamarole of applying for yet another governmental accounting job, this time for a job that would be a good 45 miles away.

Oh well. Going to have Thai food for Christmas Eve, and food from our beloved Chinese take-out place Christmas day. We are so glad that our favorite restaurateur is a workaholic who never takes a day off.

Well, how did it go?

The interview went pretty well. They had some "behavioral" questions they were supposed to use, but no one did, so the interviews were more like conversations. I met with three people, one at a time. The last interview was with the owner. They are probably looking to hire more than one, so that will probably work in my favor. And also, my CPA may actually help, because a lot of people here don't have it. I was told that having it inactive wouldn't be an issue so long as I eventually got it reactivated
over that year.

I should hear something right after New Year's. It will be a lot of work, more than I got at the Big Firm. I will be responsible for a lot more than I was there--they expect people to be involved in projects from start to finish, and everyone has to deal with clients. I figure it will be a good test to see for certain if I can actually do public accounting.

The Big Firm experience actually may help [at least on paper.] This place is operated more like a larger firm, except it has fewer people so I can actually get to know everyone and maybe be able to "network" successfully.

I figure if it's the right thing, it will happen.

I also got a tentative offer for one of the seasonal jobs with the IRS, but I'm probably going to turn it down. The shifts don't work with our schedule, and now that unemployment is passed for the rest of the year I don't think I need to make that kind of compromise. The work isn't really something that would help me in the future, either [it's not working as an agent or any kind of permanent gig.]

27 hours....

...until my interview. I'm fairly calm. I know that I can continue receiving unemployment until I hit the 99 week stage which will be sometime next summer.
I've also gone through so many bad interviews this year and have been getting a lot better as the year has gone by to where I'm generally pretty comfortable interviewing.
As I've said before, after the "court martial" style of interview I was subjected to over the spring and summer, everything else has been pretty easy.

Even if I don't get a job here, that can free us up to move sometime next year. It would be better if I could work here for a couple of years, get some experience, and then move, but I'm okay either way.

Had a productive reading weekend...I finished SPARTINA and am close to finishing THE WAKE OF FORGIVENESS, a period piece set in rural Texas during the early 1900s.

I also started and finished MOONLIGHT MILE, by Dennis Lehane. I've enjoyed his books in the past, and was interested to see him revisit "series" fiction which is how he started before writing MYSTIC RIVER and SHUTTER ISLAND, which were very successful, and THE GIVEN DAY, which I gather was not. This is a sequel to GONE BABY GONE, which was one of his better series books. One of the things about it that worked was the way that the characters developed and changed as the books continued. Series books are sort of like comic books, the characters generally don't develop much and usually stuff is more or less wrapped up by the end of each installment. Here he kind of falls prey to things being kind of hard to believe, though, and that took me out of the story.

One of the thing that often causes problems for me with genre fiction is the prevalence of the "super character." The tough guy who is at the beck and call of the protagonist who can kill/maim anyone he pleases; the computer hacker who can magically provide any information needed [that in particular is one of the main reasons I couldn't get into THE GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO.]

MOONLIGHT MILE has a lot of this, and it's just not believable. It's also annoying that the female lead character, who formally was more of a partner with the protagonist, is now basically reduced to someone who stays home with their kid and appears through a good portion of the book via cell phone. I recognize and appreciate the need to have the characters living real lives,
and that he's trying to show the danger of the situation for the protagonist to have his family threatened, but wish it had been done in a different way. The book's ending makes it seem like Lehane is saying goodbye to these characters, and that's probably best.

Breaking news...

...I have a job interview next week. It's a mid-size local firm. They were seeking a senior manager, but mentioned they were anticipating a lot of growth so I responded and asked them to keep me in mind if that growth included the hiring of junior staff. They called today. See, it never hurts to try.

I need to brush up on what's going on with tax rules, there is quite a bit...just want to show that I am keeping up with things while I've been out of work. I know they will ask what I've been doing all this time.

I could go either way on it---public accounting is not really what I want to do long term, so I'm going to have to try and snow them on that. I've been studying up on interview techniques, and watching that awful "Fairy Jobmother" show [although a lot of the show is obviously staged, some of her advice is actually pretty good.], so I feel confident I can have a good interview. I feel like my last few public accounting interviews have actually been pretty good [well, maybe not the last one, but I guess I'll never know] so if they are actually considering someone with my experience level I should have a reasonable chance.

I'm sure the question will come up on why I left the Big Firm. I am not sure on how to answer. I've been claiming "layoff" for most of this time, but maybe I should be more honest. I will have to think of how to formulate an answer.

Mom was right.

My mom always used to say that if you don't expect too much, you won't be disappointed by things in life. I used to think that was a pessimistic, depressing view, but I think she was right. I also choose to interpret it as valuing the simple things in life more, although I don't think that is really what she meant.

Saw a report yesterday that having depression increases your risk of dementia. I guess I better try to enjoy the next 30 years then, before I cease to be myself anymore.

Yesterday I applied to a bookkeeper job with a construction company. They had me come in to test, which probably had mixed results. They had a ten key test [the kind with a calculator tape] and I of course had no idea what to do with it, so who knows if they will call me back or not. I basically faked it. I don't know why people still use those things. It's like using an abacus. The job pays around the same as unemployment and seems like a pretty stressful work environment, so I won't be heartbroken if it doesn't work out.

The recruiter says I might get to interview her client on Tuesday. But I won't expect too much...see, it's already working.

Almost finished with SPARTINA. Only thing I find difficult is when characters talk and talk for long paragraphs. No one talks that way, generally. I find myself tuning out at those parts of the book, similar to how I do in real life.

Have at least three books to pick up at the library, yikes!

Like roadwork, except without the running.

I have a logjam of books, all of which I really want to finish. I've assigned myself to read a certain number of pages per day. That seems to work more or less, although I may end up quitting on SPARTINA and go on to its sort-of sequel, COMPASS ROSE.

I think I have a new reading project, to try to read the National Book Award winners.

Maybe not surprisingly, the book that I'm having the easiest time with is the Stalin book. It's written in a fresh, surprisingly irreverent manner.

I wonder why Hitler is more "popular" than Stalin as far as an overall symbol of evil.
Maybe because a war was fought and won against Hitler, giving us a happy ending. People usually don't like it when the bad guys get to die of old age.

I read a book once about Hitler where it was claimed that Hitler was scared of Stalin after meeting him, and knew at that moment that he would eventually have to go to war with Russia. At the same time, he sort of admired his ruthlessness. It's funny to imagine Hitler telling someone, "That guy's crazy!"

The Recruiter Runaround....

My wife is off at a multi-day meeting, and I am unsure on what to do with myself.

Friday I got a call from a recruiter about a possible interview tomorrow, but did not get any follow-up confirmation. Late this afternoon I learn [after asking] that the interview may not be until later this week, and possibly not until next year. The client may have "jumped the gun," whatever that means.

This probably isn't the recruiter's fault, but it is the type of thing people complain about when dealing with recruiters.

I'm reading and playing too much Scrabble. Nothing really seems appealing. There are a few things to apply to, so I guess at least I'm okay for this week.

"History is full of abnormal people..."

Basically a paraphrase of a quote from Stalin. I just started a bio of him called COURT OF THE RED TSAR which believe it or not I first heard about back when I worked retail.

My retail days were a mixed bag. I worked at Borders and enjoyed the store I started in, although the pay was quite low. At the time, I wasn't qualified for much else, having an English degree and no desire or aptitude for teaching.

I loved working with the books and helping customers find the books they were looking for. We had a lot of customers who were pretty serious about reading. But I hated dealing with music and DVDs and all of the other things the store sold. I especially hated working the cash register. You'd get jerks who would want to buy a newspaper with a $100 bill at ten in the morning. Stores generally don't have more than $40 or so in the register to start the day.

It was during the 2004 election so we'd get a lot of angry conservatives pissed off about why we didn't have certain books but only carried "liberal" books. The problem was made worse by one of the conservative publishing companies--they deliberately under-printed copies of an anti-Kerry book in order to pretend like the book was being "suppressed."

One of the funnier moments--there was a book out at the time called THE REPUBLICAN NOISE MACHINE about how conservatives disseminate their message. One day I had a lady come in and return it. She complained that she had bought it as a gift, "but then I found out the book was against Republicans." Oh those crafty liberal writers and their evil ways!

We ended up moving back to where we live now. I transferred to the Borders store here and got a rude awakening. The store here was not a book-oriented store and we generally didn't have any of the books that people would come in and ask for. Our system would say we did, but we could never locate anything, so just about all of the books were special ordered. It was really frustrating. Sometimes the inventory people would just tell me to give the customer some other similar book. When I couldn't sleep at night because I hated the job so much, I wound up quitting. They had cut my pay [lower cost of living here, about the only thing to recommend this burg] and hours so it wasn't that hard to walk away.

This month will be different....

...actually it won’t. I’m already slacking on posts.

I had the possibility of a job yesterday but ultimately decided it wasn’t enough money. It was nine dollars an hour. The range I’ve told people is $10-12 an hour. $9 is far less than I make on unemployment. It’s not much more than I was making in retail a few years ago. The job would have been full time, which would have made it hard for me to find anything else. I wonder how many people end up taking jobs that pay far less than they used to make and just end up permanently underemployed? It would be interesting to see how the employment picture would look if underemployment were taken into account. Congress continues its fight over tax cuts, and I’m hoping that unemployment benefits might be included in an attempt to compromise. My time is soon ending with benefits either way, and when that happens I guess I will go ahead and work for $9 an hour, which is even less than I made back when I started out for the Quasi-Federal Agency Known for Workplace Violence. And that was in 1996.

2011 looks like it may be a tough year. It’s going to require major changes no matter what. It’s my hope that a year from now things will be different.


I have a lot of books to read, but I’m having a hard time sitting down and reading.

A final depressing note for November...

I was in Target and heard a Gang of Four song playing...turns out it was an ad for some video game. Oh well, at least it was for one of those Wii fitness type games, and not one of those "beat a hooker with a lead pipe" type of games.

Guess even 80s lefty rock bands need a little Christmas cash....

End of the month blues...

I think I'm posting just to beat last month's post count.

I forgot to mention that I am also reading a book called THE VAULTS by Toby Ball which is, as Jess Walter [another favorite author of mine] put it, is a Kafkaesque noir set in an alternate 1930s America. Although in reality, there is nothing that really identifies its place or time. Terrific read, a nice short book that is good as far as being able to put it down and get right back into it. Brevity is a good thing sometimes.

We're trying to plan our next move, and I think things may be very different by this time next year.

It's time for the unemployment extension debate again, and I'm more or less planning on being without benefits in a little over a month. I'm hoping to get some temp or contract work at that point. I'm working a lot more with recruiters than I used to.

Turkey Time

Actually, we're having Chinese food for Thanksgiving.

The interview yesterday was a lot of the same old thing--the usual "What have you been doing for the last year and a half?" questions...[Um, trying to find a job in a job market that has 17% unemployment if you're being charitable in your estimates.]

They think I should specify on my resume that in addition to my master's degree that I've taken several undergraduate accounting courses [I think having a CPA license pretty much shows that I have a sufficient background...however, I'm game to try this in case that has been the one thing that has been holding me back this entire time.]

Also, they say that most places don't have people doing both tax and audit [This is absolutely untrue for this local market, and the fact that they don't know that is cause for concern.]

The one weird thing is that for this client [btw one thing in this recruiter's favor is that they are legitimately trying to fill specific jobs instead of just playing a numbers game and signing up everyone] is that they want everyone to take personality tests including the Wunderlich which I believe is the same test they give to future NFL players at the combine each year. One thing I'm good at---standardized intelligence tests. Although I didn't finish all the questions in the alloted twelve minutes, I finished at least 80% of them and hopefully got most of the ones right that I answered. Maybe that will help. You never know what these people want.

Reading SPARTINA, a former National Book Award winner. Mainly about an middle aged crab fisherman trying to make it.

Also MATERHORN, a novel about Vietnam. Everyone is going nuts over it and I can see why. Will give my thoughts at a later date.

Forgot to mention

One good way to pick yourself up when getting disappointing job news is to go give blood. Not just because it makes you feel good to do something for others, but because if your blood center is anything like mine, they give you lots of tasty treats afterward.

I have weird blood [it's negative for some kind of antibody that most of the population tests positive for--one of those weird conditions that most people have and never realize it] that is good to use for people with compromised immune systems, so generally the blood bank is always calling and pestering me to come in as soon as I'm eligible to donate.

Another benefit, I can take it more or less easy today without guilt.

Actually, I have yet another interview with a recruiter today. Doubt it will amount to much, but of course, it's something to put on the UE form, and it's usually hard to find stuff to apply to during holiday weeks.

The verdict...

I got the rejection letter today from my November job interview. Nothing to do but move on--I suspect my lack of experience is what did me in as usual.

Saw a Craigslist ad I am considering responding to, although it is one of those "unconventional" ads and people who place those are usually a big pain in the ass to deal with. The pay is also very low [much less than unemployment] so I am going to wait and consult with my wife. Since the debacle of the Big Firm, I've given her veto power on all job applications and similar decisions. I wish I had done so a few years back, we would be in much better shape now.

I have a lot of books to read, and that is what is getting me through. Well, that and the new bed we just bought. I didn't realize how poor sleep I was getting until we got our new bed. Nope, it's not a Tempurpedic, just a good quality bed we got at Costco.

A placeholder post.

I don't have much to talk about. Had another "interview" with a recruiter. I don't really expect it to develop into much. I talked with another one over the phone this morning, and she basically said she didn't think I had enough experience for what apparently is now considered "entry level." Since when did entry level jobs require 2-3 years of experience? I guess it's this "new normal" everyone talks about.

One positive thing...I can allegedly access free training courses and free Continuing Professional Education credits through this agency, so maybe I can at least get something from it.

The Father-in-Law has been elsewhere for nearly a week. It's nice to have the house to ourselves, but of course, it won't last. We'd like to get him to make the transition to living elsewhere, but I have to get a job first. It just doesn't work well for parents and adult children to live together.

"My own personal pants..."

This looks like the worst month ever as far as blogging. BTW, remember that stupid car ad back in 2008 when one of the car companies advertised that they would take their car back if you bought it and then lost your job? This ad was in response to that ad, where the spokesperson joked "That sounds like the worst day ever..." to lose your job, then come home and tell your spouse that you've got to go turn the car in to the dealership. I can't remember what their solution was for the newly-jobless car buyer. Anyway, for months afterward my wife and I would joke about something sounding "like the worst day ever..." And we had a lot of things that we could talk about being "the worst ever", since that was my year at The Big Firm. Man, what a crappy year that was, each day I face consequences of it.

Whoa. Didn't mean to do that. All I meant to say that I haven't been blogging much this month.

I had to go to the Christian mechanic today because I was getting gas last night at Costco and some moron said it looked like the car was leaking coolant [turned out it was not, costing me a little over $20 extra because people can't mind their own business while pumping gas.] I needed to get an oil change anyway. He's this Italian-American sounding guy who has religious tracts all over his shop. Apparently, though, he's Adventist, not Catholic--we got into a short discussion about the End Times this morning. Which is funny because I first heard about him from a devoutly Catholic friend of my father-in-law. Anyway, apparently he was all bent out of shape because he hadn't been getting clean work pants from whatever company it is mechanics use to obtain their work clothes, and he kept telling the person on the phone that he was "tired of having to wear my own personal pants to work...." Some guy came over from the company and he gave him an earful over it too, about his "personal pants."

That's all I really have. I am really hitting a slump in my life these days. I'm even having trouble enjoying reading. I feel like something needs to happen soon.

I am hoping to get a call from the last people to interview me sometime this week, I'm assuming if I don't hear anything it's another "no."

"Reimaging" this blog.

Goodbye spontaneity, hello more consistent and perhaps better posts. I’ve decided to start writing things offline and then posting later on. I think it will help keep this from becoming a zombie blog [not in the cool flesheating way] and also help me to avoid the “can’t get a job” broken record type of posts.

So…I’m reading Chuck Klostermann. I have a complicated relationship with his work. I love reading it….he writes funny, smart, cultural analysis that doesn’t take itself too seriously and he always knows when to slam on the brakes before it becomes dry and academic. My problem is that I am jealous, because in some ways, we are similar. He is the me that might have been. Okay, that sounds crazy. But we have similarities that cause me to dislike myself [but not him…I realize this is how homicidal stalkers sound, and once again I am glad that this blog is more or less anonymous, at least on a casual basis.]

In reality, we have no similarities other than growing up in isolated small towns, and even then we grew up in totally different regions. He was genuinely isolated, growing up in North Dakota. I was more culturally isolated, growing up in rural Oklahoma. There were plenty of other people around, I just didn’t have much in common with most of them [or at least I thought so at the time. I’m starting to believe that you can take the boy out of the rural area where most people are content to just get by, but you can’t take the…well, you know.] I suppose that when I was a teenager and imagined myself as an adult, I saw myself as a writer living in some big city someplace, spending my nights having dinner with smart, funny people, and this is how I imagine life for Chuck Klostermann. He would probably be amused by that, because it’s similar [in a writerly, geeky way] to his [and my] imagining the lifestyles of Motley Crue, etc., during the Eighties. He’d be amused, and then he would probably see about getting a restraining order.

Of course, during my late teenage years my image of “real city life” was influenced by the old intro for SATURDAY NIGHT LIVE back in the late 1980s.

Anyway, read some Chuck Klostermann. Read FARGO ROCK CITY, SEX DRUGS AND COCOA PUFFS, or whatever else you can find. Ttwo amusing thoughts from his most recent collection EATING THE DINOSAUR: 1. It’s interesting how ABBA was basically Swedish women having to sing songs in English that many times contained Latin themes. 2. Football [the American kind] is the only sport that undergoes radical changes in how it is played on a regular basis. He says it would be like if the rules of golf suddenly allowed people to tackle their opponents when on the green. Every decade some coach gets a crazy new idea about how to do things, and eventually some aspect of that crazy idea is adopted by everyone [even when almost everyone disparages the crazy new idea at first] or at the very least, everyone has to prepare for the fact that the crazy new idea is now common practice. And I find myself going on and on about football again, so I will stop.

The streak continues.

Managed to get an interview yesterday---they called me the day before and I was so busy preparing for it that I didn't have time to post about it until now. Small firm about an hour south of me. The manager was nice, but it'll be a couple of weeks before there's any further movement--like most accounting firms, they need one of the partners to do an interview, and he is on vacation. I thought we had a good rapport so it's really all down to my competitors, and of course there are many. I *think* I will probably at least get to the second interview, the manager seemed to like me.

The distance will be a little tiring to drive, but it is along a highway and the time should go pretty fast. My main worry will be the fog that we have during the winter and early spring. It also won't be much fun getting home at 7 each night since we go to bed so early, but it's an income and a good opportunity to get established.

Almost finished with EXLEY, and learned about a bio of Exley called MISFIT. The library allegedly has a copy but when I request it they give me an error message.

Books about losers.

I like books about "losers" and other fringe types [wonder why?] I'm currently reading EXLEY which is actually about another book I'm reading called A FAN'S NOTES by Frederick Exley. It's not a biography, in a way it is a YA novel about a troubled, bright kid with a missing father who may or may not be a Gulf War vet [joining the Army might have been his way of going out for a pack of smokes.] Said dad was obsessed with the book A FAN'S NOTES and the kid is trying to find the author of the book, Frederick Exley [it's set in Exley's town, in which A FAN'S NOTES is also set.] A FAN'S NOTES is about a troubled man who teaches English and lives for booze and New York Giants football games. I'm about halfway through both of them. I've been trying to read A FAN'S NOTES for years--just one of those books I've always ended up not finishing. Probably going to do it this time, though.

Wonder how many other novels are out there that are about other novels?

Plenty of stuff to apply to on the job front, although no real guarantee of anything.
My unemployment is good until late January, which isn't really that far away. No idea if I'll be able to get the last extension of benefits...a lot of it depends on what happens in the elections today, and it probably won't be good.

The best laid plans of mice and men....

I had such high hopes for October...as far as this blog went, but now it looks like I've posted the least this month.

Anyway, the FAEH has major budget problems, so it looks like the only real hope for me is seasonal work. I assume I'm still up for the job I was fingerprinted for, but everything else is out.

A couple of jobs have opened up at my grad school alma mater. We'll see.

Applied for a non-accounting job that may turn into something or may be a scam.
Some of my anti-scam Spidey senses were triggered by it, but others were not.
If they're interested I will try to find out more. Hard to say, really. Might be nice to just give up on accounting for the time being.

Happy Halloween, Imaginary Reader.

A quiz:

What would you do if you were at a casino and won a little over $4000 playing keno?

A) Quit gambling or at least move to the penny slots for the rest of the weekend.
B) Keep playing keno, blowing around a grand, because "that's just how much it costs to play keno."

Guess which one my father-in-law did.

Another setback.

I got my results for the online assessment for the slightly less desirable job for the Federal Agency Everyone Hates [FAEH], and they were not good. They have 3 categories, A, B, and C, and as you can guess, A is good, B is not as good, etc. I ended up getting a C.

Why I got that, I don't know. Perhaps what they are looking for is different than with the other jobs I've applied for in the past [where I always got an A.] I obviously didn't do as well as I thought.

Anyway, I'm about to take another assessment for a different job, we will see how it goes.

The C is moot anyway, because apparently now the FAEH is having budget problems and hiring for that job has been delayed. But as a Category C, I have no chance at it anyway.

At this point, I am really hoping for the seasonal position to work out. I don't want to move away. I'm also trying to look at factories in the area that might have openings. I will do whatever I can.

Just finished another tier of unemployment benefits, I should move on to the next tier with no problem. After that, things get dicey.

The Father-in-Law is off on another gambling trip. Driving through the snow, getting very little in the way of comps, just for the privilege of losing hundreds of dollars. And also complaining that the several hundred dollars he has to spend on gambling isn't enough.

Gotta go do my assessment. It will be interesting to see if much has changed from when I did it nearly two years ago.

One hundred.

I know I should have some kind of commemorative post, but I really do not have much to say, but feel compelled to post anyway.

I had a fingerprint session today for the Federal Agency Everyone Hates. It's just a preliminary step, it doesn't mean I'm going to be hired or anything. It's for seasonal positions which will basically be my insurance policy if I don't get a job by the time my unemployment runs out sometime next year.

If my group of hopefuls was any indication [and it may not be, our group was one of several that have been going through this over this past month] I may have a good shot at this. Most of the time, the only advice I would give to others is, "Don't do what I did." However, I do think I have one other tidbit of helpful information:

If you read and follow directions and are prepared for things, you generally will start out ahead of at least a third of your competition. Sometimes more.

We were sent an e-mail that told us what to bring and what to do before our fingerprint session [basically bring sufficient ID to fill out the I-9 form and have all the forms printed and completed.] I'd say very few of the people who were with me had done these things. Some only had their driver's license and ended up having to reschedule. Others had not completed the forms. Still others had not even brought the forms and had to fill them out from a booklet. I'm guessing they must really need employees, which hopefully will work in my favor. Guess we will see, although I'm still hoping I can find other employment.

I will say it is an easy self esteem boost for me since I feel more with-it and qualified for this. I guess another key to success is....lower your sights. Aim for something where you have more qualifications than most. Of course, most places disqualify the overqualified [heh heh, I like that phrase] but the government doesn't, so this might be an opportunity for me to shine. At any rate, it beats applying for things where I'm missing key qualities, which is the case when I apply for jobs that are more a fit for my educational level.

I'm just dreading it if I do end up having to take one of these seasonal jobs and have to reveal to people that I have a graduate degree and am a CPA, but am having to take a job that only requires a HS diploma. But I've had to do it before. And as I think I've mentioned before, the last time I did something like that, it ended up being a seven year career which to date has been my most successful work experience.

That may be a sticking point. Not that I worked for the Quasi-Federal Corporation Known for Workplace Violence, but because I ended up walking off the job on my last day in order to go see AMERICAN SPLENDOR. Will they report that? Is there even anyone left who could report that? Supervisors usually only spent a year in a work area before moving on, and I think my old job may not even be located in that facility anymore. Who knows? Oh well, if this doesn't work out, something else will.

Talk about turnaround time....

Had the interview today, I thought it went well. Actually, I know it did, we had a good rapport, but when I sent the thank you e-mail this afternoon [very important to do this] they responded and said that one of the applicants already had this type of audit experience [it's a pretty specific area] so they went with that candidate. They were already starting busy season and had to hire someone quickly because they had just fired an auditor who wasn't working out. The interviewer said they both thought I had a lot of potential, but since it was busy season and they wouldn't have time to train, they thought it best to go with someone who already had this type of experience [and they mentioned that they rarely run into experienced candidates.] Fine. The job had a lot of travel and a lot of time spent cramped in rooms with co-workers, so it might not have been the best fit anyway.

Anyway, I think this is some kind of record, basically from interview to rejection in less than six hours. I certainly wouldn't mind working with these people, though, if things don't work out with this new hire. They seemed nice and I really appreciate them letting me know right away instead of not responding for weeks.

I got a rejection last week for a job that I'd forgotten about [some lower level accounting position with a county agency.] Oh well, hopefully I can find a couple more things to apply to this week. When I heard how much travel was involved I started to worry that I would get the job, so it's probably best that it worked out like this.

Happy to be wrong.

I *will* have an interview this month after all. A firm had an ad in the paper last Sunday. I mailed my resume/cover letter to a newspaper mail drop box and got an e-mail today wanting me to confirm for an interview next week.

It's an audit position, which will be new for me. They said they have a lot of interviews to conduct, so my odds are probably not good, but they did decide to interview me which makes me think I could possibly have a shot. You never know about these things. They want someone ASAP and they are already starting their busy season.

The best thing about it would be it would provide the governmental auditing experience that has been tripping me up on these interviews, I would mainly be working on those type of audits.

I'm sure they will find someone else. I am going to conduct an experiment, I am going to be open about my experience with the Big Firm, basically saying that I was a "poor fit," although I may consult with my wife about it first.

I also have a fingerprinting session for one of the peon jobs with the Agency Everyone Hates. So at least there is something going on this month.

More giving up

Over the last couple of months I've been reading THE HISTORIAN on and off. The premise is interesting, that Vlad Dracula is still around ["alive" seems to be the wrong word] and his existence is kept a secret. The problem is that it's taken nearly 200 pages for the "story" to truly start, and there is a switching back and forth between first person narrators [I think] to where I can't really tell who is telling the story at any given time and when. I'm sure if I went back I could figure it out, but it would be easier if at the very least the author could have had each chapter saying whose point of view it was and when. This by itself I could muddle through, but
the slowness of the proceedings causes me to put THE HISTORIAN on the back burner, maybe I'll wait till I hit a dry period for books then pick it up again.

I occasionally do have books where I read them when I get the time, and am able to drop them for long periods and then return to them and still enjoy them. OLDEST LIVING CONFEDERATE WIDOW TELLS ALL has been that way, it's been my companion for nearly four months now. I've read it while waiting on my wife during our various trips together, never reading it at home or any other time. I am now in its final 60-70 pages, and of course need to finish it at home at this point since there is too little left for me to fill up the two to three hours I usually have when waiting.
I enjoy the book and its narrator. Allan Gurganus really had something going, I can imagine the character's voice just taking over. Surprising how young he was when he wrote the novel, he was only in his early 40s when it was released [so he was probably around my age when he was writing it.] I'm reaching the age now where I'm older than a lot of the writers I'm reading. Still not most of them, but a lot of them. I need to really make something happen with my writing. Not in a "time is ticking away" sense, but just because I think it's the only thing I can really do well.

Fall

It's finally autumn. It was over 100 degrees a week ago, but today it's cloudy and overcast, in the low 70s. Hope it lasts. Good day to watch old movies.

I had an interesting situation with a book, the novel SUPER SAD TRUE LOVE STORY. I got about 180 pages in it, and decided to give up on it. Not because it was a bad book or poorly written, but because the world of the book [the not-so-distant future where it is a post-literate, superficial America and most people communicate in tweets, chat-speak, and texts] was just so repulsive to me that I didn't want to experience it any longer. It is written like a series of blog posts from the various characters.

Can a book be too good at bringing you someplace you don't want to be, to where you don't want to read it? I see the world heading into that direction, even though I don't believe the book is meant to be any kind of cautionary tale. I think it is more of a personal reaction. Although the Internet has been a major force for change in my life, and most of that has been positive, I think a lot of things about it have had a negative impact for society. I will have to think more about it later.

The summation.

Twelve posts this month. It is better than some of the other blogs I read, and I'm glad I've able to keep this thing going for the past six months. I know I should write every day, but I don't.

Been watching old movies in an attempt to re-start my exercise habits. The average old movie is just over an hour, and that is a perfect length of time for exercise. Also, older movies don't demand constant attention so you can let your mind wander while you ride the exercise bike. I've been watching Val Lewton films---really liked I WALKED WITH A ZOMBIE and THE CAT PEOPLE, but gave up on CURSE OF THE CAT PEOPLE. Probably will check out some of the Universal Horror films over the next week, I've seen the "major" ones but haven't seen all the sequels. They were on our local TV station late night horror show when I was a kid, but the movie came on late Friday night and it was way too late for an elementary schooler to stay up. Didn't see most of them until I hit adulthood.

A bet.

Dear Imaginary Reader,

I bet I don't get a job interview next month. Just a feeling. Things seem to already be slowing down, and I'm starting to have to apply to jobs where I know I don't meet the qualifications. Guess it's going to be an early winter. I suppose I will make a token attempt to re-apply to some of the firms I've applied to over the last year and a half. Not sure if I will, actually. I guess if there is absolutely nothing else to apply to.

As usual, my only real hope is with the Federal Agency Everyone Hates. I'm thinking my chances may be a little better since I'm applying outside my current city [Detroit of the West.] It turns out the Agency has a lot of facilities here and they have a lot of internal candidates so that may explain my lack of success.

Looking forward to not worrying about it this weekend. Another month down the drain.

A quick read....

Ended up checking out a book yesterday called THOSE WHO HIT THE HARDEST about the Pittsburgh Steelers/Dallas Cowboys rivalry during the 1970s. It's a mixed success, but hard to put down. The authors should probably admit a Burgh bias, it is about 80% about the Steelers. They attempt to tie in the rise and fall of the steelworkers union with the story of the Steelers, but it doesn't mesh and the labor stuff seems like something that was inserted from another book. Still an interesting story.

It is funny to think of how little the players made back then, the salaries changed during this period but even then superstar draft picks could only command a few hundred grand over the life of their contracts.

I am a sort-of football fan, the game makes for great storytelling and I love to read books about the various personalities. I seldom watch an entire game, and prefer college to pro football [another interesting tidbit---until the late Sixties, college football was overwhelmingly more popular than the pro game, the time period chronicled in this book was more or less the point where the tide turned] but even then I follow the game more as a story that unfolds each week--I'll watch the highlights on ESPN but generally only tune in for some of the bowl games in January. I have teams I dislike, and have a nominal allegiance to teams where I've attended school or from my home state, but in the end I'm more interested in the drama of it. For example, I am hoping the most popular team in my home state doesn't make it to the national championship game this year because they tend to get dominated in big bowl games [heh heh, any savvy college FB fans will probably have narrowed it down to two possible schools!] and I always want the best matchup possible.

Anyway, I ended up reading the whole book this morning. Not as good as the Bear Bryant bio I read last month, but worth a read mainly just for the story of the Steelers. Another great football book is WHEN PRIDE STILL MATTERED about Vince Lombardi, and my overall favorite which I mentioned several months back is A CIVIL WAR by John Feinstein, about the Army/Navy football rivalry.

A change of plans...

I decided to go ahead and apply for the job posting that is way out of my area. If by some chance I do get the job I can decide what to do at that point, it would also be a good way to get away from this area, something which my wife and I really want to do.
So I do have two job opportunities pending. If I did need to choose between them I would probably choose the one out of the area...more pay and it's a chance to relocate.

It will be interesting...I've never applied to other offices in this state, only the one in my city and also one out of state. Maybe the odds will be better.

Forgot to mention

Finished FREEDOM over the weekend. I liked it overall, not sure if it was good as THE CORRECTIONS but it was easier to get into. The two novels were similar in a lot of ways, they each had characters getting involved in shady schemes engineered by the wealthy.

I am reading a book of his essays called HOW TO BE ALONE and discovered he wrote a great article about my former employer the Federal Agency Known for Workplace Violence.

Finished the Harry Hole book last week, I wish more of the novels were available here in the US. I think some have been translated and published in the UK, it looks like I will actually have to spend money if I want to read any more beyond the three I have read. I'm checking out some other mysteries from that region.

Getting into Jonathan Ames. I think I should try to be a funny writer. Maybe that would be easier for me.

Beyond pissed.

So I had heard it through the internet grapevine that the Federal Agency Everyone Hates was going to do another posting today for the job that I failed to get back in July. They hire twice a year, this posting would be for the Spring hire. The grapevine was correct, I checked this morning to find a new posting. As I read it, I noticed something was wrong.

My city was not listed on there. Neither was any city in a 200 mile radius of me. I have been applying to these things for over two years now, ever since I started at the Big Firm and figured out that I wasn't going to make it there. This has never happened before. The cities listed are all in a distant part of the state, or cities in other parts of the country. So I can forget all about that. There's supposed to be another posting for a different job in about a month, guess we'll see what happens with that. I will not have another shot at this particular job until April, and who knows, they may just do the same thing again. So much for all those agents they supposedly needed.

I am extremely disappointed right now. I know I'm in the running for another job with them, but I had hoped to have more than one iron in the fire. Oh well, at least I no longer have to be in a rush to get my CPA license reactivated.

In other news, I got turned down for the job I interviewed for earlier this month. I knew by now that I was no longer in consideration for it just due to the lack of response, but it's still never fun to learn for sure that yet again, I have been deemed not good enough.

A dry spell

I'm having a lot of trouble putting together enough things to apply to for this two week period. The job vacancies just don't seem to be there, but I will persevere.
Going to have to re-apply to some things that were reposted. Obviously I am not what they're looking for [even though I really would be a fit for some of them even according to their criteria] but at least it's something to put on the UE form.

I completed an assessment today for yet another job with the Federal Agency Everyone Hates. This job is a particularly unpopular one, which is saying something. Still has very tight competition. I don't particularly care one way or another about it, but it starts in January, and that is around the time that my unemployment will probably be ending for good.

I'm a little over a hundred pages into FREEDOM. Pretty good, actually easier for me to get into than THE CORRECTIONS, probably because it is from a single point of view and so there aren't a bunch of shifting narratives which can sometimes suck the energy out of a book.

Sweet freedom....

Picked up Jonathan Franzen's FREEDOM today, barely got started but it's good so far. I had a pumpkin spice latte from Starbucks. Starbucks....I never used to go there, now I go there at least once a week, more if I'm waiting around when travelling with my wife.
I try to cut costs in other ways in order to justify going there, like letting my car go without being washed for an extra week or two, getting one less gallon of gas, etc.
I'll be happy when I have a job again, assuming that ever happens, so I can indulge guilt free.

I also checked out the latest Jo Nesbo [the "o" in Nesbo should be some kind of weird Scandinavian "O" but I am not ASCII proficient enough to be able to use that.] He is a Norwegian mystery writer, known mainly for his series involving the alcoholic detective Harry Hole [okay, I know it sounds funny.] I prefer his stuff to the Stieg Larson books [GIRL WITH THE DRAGON TATTOO, etc.,] I read the first one of those and also saw the first film and remain unimpressed.

I am caffeinated so I am hoping for a good rest of the day. Maybe I will hit Starbucks again this afternoon just in case I have a letdown.

I am irritated by the board of accountancy, apparently I have to finish a ton of CPE to get my license active again, I will have to look for some kind of low-cost option and will most likely have to spend an hour or two at the library each day in order to take the courses since we still have dial-up and will continue to have it for the near future. I really dropped the ball on that, but that is par for the course. Well, I guess I am mixing metaphors, never mind. "I really sliced the ball but that is par for the course..." doesn't make much sense. I hate golf. Could my failure to get established in public accounting be due to my hatred of and refusal to play golf? One wonders.

Book stuff....

I still read a lot, although many times it is a losing battle. I've given up on a few books lately [I did finish THE PASSAGE only to find it is book one of a trilogy.]
I tried to read THE THOUSAND AUTUMNS OF JACOB DE ZOET and gave up. Just had other books to move on to, couldn't be helped. I gave up on the Harry Truman biography that I'd checked out from the library only to wind up buying it at a thrift store. I do that a lot with books that I know I cannot read within a month. I have yet to revisit it. A lot of time I spend reading THE BEST AMERICAN SPORTS WRITING series, I have two copies from 2000 and 2001 that I bought in thrift stores. They don't require the same level of commitment of a novel.

Just finished the third Larry McMurtry memoir, HOLLYWOOD. It's a good deal shorter than the prior two, but still has interesting stories about his screenwriting career, which he admits has more or less financed his bookseller and novelist careers which were covered in the prior two volumes. My favorite story is how they were expecting protesters galore at the Oscars when they were up for BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN, but were disappointed to see nothing but a lone figure with a sign that read "NO HOMOS ON THE RANGE."

I am gearing up for Jonathan Franzen's FREEDOM. Sounds right up my alley, and I really enjoyed THE CORRECTIONS, although it was one of those books that I finished only on the second attempt.

Reading Norwegian writer Per Petterson's I CURSE THE RIVER OF TIME. I love his books, but not for the usual reasons. I can rarely explain the plot behind any of his novels. He tends to have main solitary characters who spend most of the book thinking about the past, with most of the novel usually being a bunch of flashbacks. Usually the main character has experienced some kind of trauma, usually the loss of a family member or members. And many times the flashbacks involve World War Two, which apparently many older people in Norway feel highly conflicted about. This time the character is a bit younger so WWII isn't that big a part of it. The books always put a spell on me, and even though I can't usually remember much about what they are about, that makes it easier to re-read them.

Where was I....

Despite a ton of coffee, I'm extremely tired today.

The interview went pretty well, very casual and one-on-one. I *think* I will probably be invited back for a second interview. One good thing about it would be that it would allow a transition out of accounting, which doesn't appear to be working out for me. Also, the job is much better than I had thought, it is not "hardcore collections" as the interviewer put it, and it involves dealing with international customers so almost all of the communication is done via e-mail [my territory is far enough away to where they would be major time zone differences that make phone calls impractical.]

It is hard to avoid sounding like a stuck record, but I guess it's one of those things where I can't change my focus until the problem of my joblessness is either solved or given up on. I am too tired to think about it right now. I could barely function well enough to grocery shop this morning and I'm afraid I may have to go again later.

I am so depressed that I had an unemployment check I'd gotten a few weeks ago [my initial claim expired and I had to wait for a while to see if they had gotten anything mixed up] and I only now deposited it. And even that was difficult.

Should eat something I guess.

I know the drill....

Got a call today regarding one of my job applications, and I supposedly have an interview tomorrow. I'm waiting to get some kind of "e-mail invite" with more info, but have yet to receive it. I'll probably call later today if I don't receive it.

This is allegedly accounting but is more of a credit/collections type job. It will be a lot of phone work, but it won't be any worse than working for the Federal Agency Everyone Hates, and I was willing to do that.

I'm going in with a pretty nonchalant mindset, I will do my best, but be relaxed. I'm actually more interested in another job that I'm about to send the application for. Unfortunately I may need to cancel travel plans for next week with my wife until this all gets sorted out. The other job I'm more interested in involves work I would probably rather do, but it is a bit of a drive.

Just glad that I'm getting responses. I have a feeling that time is short as far as getting a job this year, if last winter is any indication. I've been let down too much before to get too hopeful. All I can do is control my own performance, and remember that I'm interviewing them as much as they are interviewing me. I do think that those horrible government interviews of the spring and summer are good preparation, it makes more casual, traditional interviews a lot easier to handle.

What would the Bear say?

Looks like I did not exactly set the blogosphere on fire last month. It was a busy month, as was July, although I guess it wasn't my all time low for posts.

Last month I had my monthly failed job interview. I'm not optimistic that I will even get an interview this month, I don't have much on the horizon. I guess the two interviews I had in July can make up for not having one this month. Last week I finally got a rejection letter for the county interview I had back in early July.

I don't talk about books as much as I used to. I'm finishing up a biography of Bear Bryant called THE LAST COACH. Believe it or not, I am a big fan of college football.
It's about the only sport I follow. I wonder what Bear Bryant would say to me. Probably to get off my ass and do something. Not sure what that something would be.

My problem is really that my "skill set" such as it is, is not really something that is in much demand. I'm always a "poor fit" at most jobs, and I'm starting to think maybe I should go back to the factory/unskilled type jobs I worked during my 20s. Of course, those opportunities are gone now.

I feel I'm an intelligent enough person, but that I can't ever seem to do anything with that intelligence. I don't know how much of it is the economy and how much of it is, well, me.

Recruit this!

Enjoyed spending time with my parents this weekend. I'm planning on visiting with them later this week. It's good to be able to do that right now, I think I was feeling isolated and depressed.

No serious job prospect on the horizon, but I have found a couple of things to apply to, so that is always good.

My cell phone rang today. I didn't feel like dropping everything to answer it [the phone usually rings when I'm about to get in the shower, in a checkout line, or when I'm in traffic] so I let voice mail pick it up. Turned out to be a recruiter for a job I had applied to over the weekend, a job which I was not aware involved a recruiting company. The job was one that I was not really qualified for, and finding out that it was actually placed by a recruiter was the final straw. I've done that before and have never been considered for any of those positions regardless of my qualifications. It's common knowledge that most of the time the jobs they post are non-existent and they are just trying to build a recruitment pool.


I decided not to return the call. I've been looking pretty hard for a job since last September [prior to that I had family issues that kept me from being able to be here to look for work.] Over that time, I've worked with three recruiters. Although I have had one interview as a result of working with a recruiter, over 90% of my results as far as interviewing, getting responses, etc., has been through my own effort, not that of a recruiter. And the one interview I had ended up being an absolute waste of time both for me and the person interviewing me, I was a terrible fit for the position and I don't know why they even suggested me for it other than they had to find someone for what was obvious a terrible position for whoever ended up taking the job. It had been turned down by two other people prior to me, and those two were much better equipped for it than I was. It was the position which I think I've mentioned in the past where the owner of the company basically wanted someone to buy him out in a few years. He was also wanting someone to conduct audits, which was something he was not qualified to do [he was not even a CPA, although he had another certification that was related to tax work.]

I do not think I am any better off for having dealt with recruiters, not at my experience level. I just don't feel like wasting my time on some no-name staffing company when I'm already signed up for three others and they have never really done much toward finding me a job. I'm also resentful that I wasted my time submitting my resume and writing another cover letter to what turned out to be another recruiter. So nope, I'm not calling the person back.

Hate to say it, but it's fun being the person who isn't returning calls for a change.

Well, looks like it's back to the drawing board.

Bad news: I didn't get the job at the small CPA firm.

Good news: He let me know a week after I interviewed, so now I don't have to worry about it.

It seems like we are in a late summer vacancy drought, so I guess it's time to start sending resumes out all over the place again. Will probably try some of the firms in the area, although I've noticed a lot of them have gotten smart and have quit putting e-mail contact info on their websites.

My wife's birthday was last Sunday. She has to travel around so much for her job that we ended up just relaxing at home. My parents are visiting our fair state, so we're travelling to meet with them this weekend. I haven't seen them in nearly a year. So at least that's something to look forward to.

Whenever I find out I didn't get a job I have mixed feelings. Of course I am disappointed, but then at the same time I am relieved that I don't have to worry about failing. But the longer this goes on, the worse things will get. I have about resigned myself to not really having a real job again. When unemployment runs out I will try to supplement our income through temp work, H&R Block, etc, and of course continue to apply for things, but I'm starting to prepare for the worst.

The doors of opportunity continue to slam shut

Looks like that's it as far as The Federal Agency Everyone Hates. Contacted the HR person today and was told that offers had been made last week. She didn't know if they were done yet, but given that there were probably maybe 4-5 openings at most, it's likely that they are finished. So that's it till next year. The next hiring will be announced this fall, interviews will take place probably late December into January, and offers will be made in February. Have to sit tight until then.

This was my third try at this, and I really thought I might have finally broken through, but guess not. Now I guess I have to hope that I end up working at that tiny CPA firm.

May end up doing H&R Block type stuff, I don't know. I don't know what the future holds. Whatever it is, I probably won't like it.

The sticking points.

So the job yesterday sounds like an okay opportunity. It would be a good way to get some much-needed diverse experience. It sounds like although it's a small firm, he has things laid out really well as far as giving instructions on how to do everything, and making himself available for questions.

Two major cons: It's public accounting. I'm willing to give this a chance, but ultimately this is not what I see myself doing. Too much of the work in public accounting is about selling and networking.

That brings me to the second con. I am going to be expected to join things and network in an attempt to bring in business. That's new to me, a place where they expect a new hire to "make rain." I think it's something that would be a gradual transition, but over time that might be a real problem. I don't want to join things or "network."

It is funny, I don't care one way or the other if I get this, if I do I will take it if I have nothing else going on [don't really know what's going to happen with the Federal Agency Everybody Hates--some people have been hired but I don't know if they are finished in my area or not, some places are very far behind and haven't called anyone yet.] I will take the job under that circumstance, but will probably do it with an assumption that it's not going to be more than 1-2 years, and I will probably continue to try to get hired by the feds. Pay and benefits are much more, and long term there's just more opportunity.

Of course, the odds are good that I could end up not getting any offer at all, in which case it's back to the drawing board.

Quote from the Job Interview of the Year.

"We got rid of some clients because they were assholes. And life's too short to deal with assholes."

Got a call at 9 this morning for an interview at a CPA firm I'd applied to a couple of weeks ago. Talked with the guy this afternoon for about an hour and a half. Much better than the previous interviews. I think after the misery of the governmental job interrogation...er, interview process this seemed much easier. It's easier to just talk with someone, ask and answer questions, etc., instead of an oral examination.

As usual, we shall see. Lots of competition, but sounds like having my license is a definite plus. It's a tiny firm, but they've been around a while. Pretty much seems to be the polar opposite of the Big Firm. Who knows...some things I can tell may end up being sticking points, but I can probably manage to hang on a couple of years if I can do good work.

The Power of Literature.

...I recently finished AFFLICTION by Russell Banks and it made me irrationally angry at my father-in-law to the point where I was tempted to hit him over the head with a board. Well, not really, but I did feel more negative than usual toward him for a couple of days, which is really saying something.

Closing the Passage

Surprisingly, this isn't another post about my employment woes.

I have a massive backlog of books to be read. I overdo it at the thrift store and the library book sale. I have no real place to put a lot of my books. I'm similar to those compulsive hoarders, except I actually do read the books and the ones I have bought I often do pass on once I've finished them or given up on them. Anyway, it is an ongoing battle which I am losing.

One of the books that I'd waited on for some time is THE PASSAGE, by Justin Cronin. It is an end-of-the-world type novel, epic length. Similar to Stephen King's THE STAND [which is the yardstick by which all apocalyptic novels/stories/films are measured.]
I am around 500 pages into it, and figure I will be coming into the novel's endgame soon.

...assuming I don't give up on it. THE PASSAGE seems to be doing something that a lot of newer books do, basically the events of the first few hundred pages seem to have become background, and now it seems like the book is mired in the less-than-interesting personal issues of a colony of survivors. Although the thing that caused the apocalyptic event is still very much at large, it seems to be mostly backstage.
There's an impending crisis for the colony, and that too seems to have been placed on the back burner. Instead we have a lot of political and personal conflict. I'm hoping it picks up, it's due later this week and I have a lot of other stuff I'd rather read at this point. Usually when I get this far in a book, I am determined to finish it, but there is always a first time, I guess. And lord knows, I failed the various character lessons of childhood and am more or less a quitter by nature.

Amusing.

I thought I would mess around with Google to see how easy it is to find this blog, and of course learned it is pretty difficult. You basically have to already know this blog well and put in exact phrases that I've used. There are a ton of other blogs and other things called De Minimis, since it's a common term.

Anonymous in a crowd, I like that.

Went to a friend's son's birthday party today, that was fun to see him all excited about everything. I can't help it, I still get excited by my own birthday. I've had a few of them that I spent alone in recent years, but even then I would try to do something special or fun for myself. Still, it's fun to see a kid's enthusiasm and excitement.

Finished another David Lodge book. I find myself getting into "middle-aged men in crisis" novels these days. DEAF SENTENCE was one [although the protagonist was more senior citizen than middle aged]; I've read another called NICE WORK, and today I finished THERAPY. All three are about successful professional men whose worlds are turned upside down, and how they deal with it. Many times, the characters are hung up on the past, which is something I can relate to.

Also reading LONDON FIELDS by Martin Amis, an author that I've always tried to get into but couldn't, but I guess now I'm either old enough or patient enough to get into it.

A surprise to no one....

...I got the "We wish you success in your professional career" letter again from last week's interview. Knew it was coming. I peeled the address label off so I could recycle the envelope and found someone else's address underneath. Apparently they are re-using envelopes at the county. If they can't afford basic office supplies, they probably would have laid me off sooner or later I guess.

Incidentally, I never got the rejection letter from the other interview I had with them a month ago. Maybe this letter was used for both interviews, another way to cut costs.

I'm hoping the people there quit calling me for interviews, it is obvious I don't have the type of background and experience they are looking for, and it is no fun to go through their awful style of interviewing over and over again for no reason. It's too bad because I think I probably have a lot of the qualities they are looking for, but I guess experience is more important.

Funny.

The blogger software has an automated thing that suggests words or phrases that you've typed before as a shortcut. I typed in waiting and of course a ton of suggestions showed up. Just shows how many times I've been in this position.

No call yet. A week from now I'll either have a tentative job offer [pending some administrative stuff] or will be in the same position I am now, grasping at straws, trying to figure out what to do.

My "application status" was updated yesterday. It remains the same, it just means that someone in their office looked at my file again. The IRS wannabe message board I hang out on has had a lot of people who had this happen a few times end up getting called with an offer. But time is running out. And I'm really thinking this may be my last shot at a job here.

At least the unemployment checks should keep coming for another several months. There's talk of creating a new unemployment tier, but I can't see them doing it. Besides, more tiers are not the solution. I agree with supporting people while they look for work, and wish they could have a situation where people could continue to receive benefits so long as their region had a high unemployment rate, but until people and companies start buying things again, nothing is going to change.

The road ahead....or behind.

So there is a brief hope now that I might get a call from the Federal Agency that Everyone Hates. It has to do with my online status on the government jobs website, which changed on Friday. I won't go into all the details, but the status change is something that has happened to those who have gotten tentative offers from them. However, it is Monday and the time frame for phone calls has passed for the day [they're on the East Coast and knock off around 4:30 or so.] Nothing to do but wait.
If I haven't heard anything in about a week and a half, that's it for them until probably next year. They do a fall hire, but it's usually more limited as to location and I don't believe the place I live has ever been included.

No contact regarding my interview last week, but of course, I wasn't expecting to hear anything. I have also never heard about the interview I had about a month ago, I assume that train has long left the station.

The unemployment extension passed and for once time is on my side in that I should be able to move through the next two tiers of extended benefits before I have to worry about them renewing any kind of unemployment benefits, which I believe will last me until early next year.

I have to face the very real possibility that I may never find work here. I may have to relocate and basically put my marriage on hiatus for a few years in order to work.
I'm hoping like hell that doesn't happen and that something comes up over the next few months, but if nothing has changed by the end of this year I may need to start making preparations to move. My parents live in a state with a slightly better economy than here [although not nearly as much business activity.] Wages are a lot lower so I will probably need to live with them in order to make ends meet while I gain experience.

We will see what happens.

I registered inactive for my CPA. I need to finish the continuing ed, but the material makes my eyes glaze over. I know I need to finish it sometime this month, though, it is not good to have "De Minimis, CPA (Inactive)" on your resume.

My birthday was last weekend. My thirties are close to being over. I have not accomplished much at all. But I've already talked about that enough already.

Twilight of the Clod

Just a crap day today, not even In-N-Out could cheer me up....

My birthday is in a couple of days, and I guess that's part of it. Things just aren't good. I'm "on the backside of thirty" as an old country song goes, and although that isn't what's depressing me, just that I feel so far behind as far as where I thought I would be at this stage in my life. I am struggling to start a career. I have no retirement. I have no real stability. My quality of life in my later years is probably going to take a major hit due to all the events of the past few years as far as saving for retirement.

No idea if things will ever improve. I checked out a book of interviews with David Foster Wallace [Gen-X era writer who recently committed suicide] I guess in the hopes of getting some kind of perspective.

I ended up turning down what probably would have been a job---as a customer service rep. I feel guilty about it, but it was a shift that I don't think would work with our household's schedule, also, I guess I still have too much pride to do that kind of work. The whole reason I went to grad school, got into accounting, got my CPA, etc., was to get out of working weird non-standard hours and performing work that didn't require more than a HS diploma. This seemed like taking a major step backward.

Of course, I'm second guessing myself about it now, but I really hate talking on the phone and dealing with people so chances are I would not have done well at it. The main reason I'm having misgivings is that I began my career with the Quasi-Federal Agency with a Reputation for Workplace Violence in a similar, "temporary" position that ended up being a full-time job which I held for nearly seven years and which, sadly, is my most successful workplace experience to date.

The good news and the bad news....

Good news: I did better than last time on the interview. It was a mix between the last two, I had to answer seven or eight pre-printed questions, then got to ask one of my own [and ended up having to answer a couple of others.]

Three person panel this time, yuck. I miss the days of one-on-one interviews, I haven't had one of those since February, I think. I also miss the days of private company interviewing where it's more of a conversation instead of an examination with pre-printed questions.

The bad news: I think it still isn't good enough. I just don't have governmental accounting or auditing experience. And I can't seem to explain things without sounding stupid, although I didn't ramble nearly as much as back in March. Guess if I'm wrong I'll hear something next week. I don't really expect to. Nobody cares if I studied things in school or passed the CPA exam.

Accounting firms *might* start doing a little more in the way of hiring soon, that may be what I end up having to do. It's the only area where I have any experience, even though it's just a year and the work I did isn't relevant to where I am now. I hate the idea of public accounting, but maybe a smaller firm wouldn't be as bad. Anytime the ads say thing about a "Self-starter" though, I know things will be rough.

What is a person supposed to do? I am a good worker, but I'm a follower, not a leader. I'm a self-starter in that I will continue asking if there's anything to help with, but I need guidance, at least at first. I think sometimes self-starter is business-speak for "We are unwilling/unable to train you."

Trying not to think about what's going to happen if I can't find a job by this fall. If I'm going to relocate [probably live with my parents and try to find work] I need to do it while I have unemployment checks coming in. I despise the idea of not seeing my spouse more than a few times a year, but I'm already more than a year unemployed now, and it's not looking good even though I keep applying to things.

Oh well. I'm trying not to think too much about it yet.

Other good news: Although I obviously didn't do 31 posts this month, I at least did better than last month. Well, maybe not good news. No one really cares.

Inactivate....

So...I've decided to register as "Inactive" for my upcoming CPA renewal. I just haven't been able to get the CPE done, I suppose it's a matter of not having the will and just having too many other things to do, and also the usual depression/lack of initiative. Yet another failure on my part.

I have doubts about the whole accounting thing now. Sometimes I think I am a little too smart for my own good. I think I am a capable enough student to where I can do well when taking classes. But just because you are good at something in school doesn't mean you will be good at it in the workplace, and sometimes I wonder if that is what is happening here. Hopefully not. It is probably just the economy. I need to start preparing for the interview next week.

I've also neglected to write here, I still want to write about a favorite writer who passed away a couple of weeks ago. Maybe before the end of the month....

Outta town.

Staying with my wife this week while she's on a business trip. I'm mainly just hanging out in the hotel enjoying the high speed internet. We have a Stone Age dial-up connection at home [right now high speed is a huge hassle to get and we just haven't had the time to mess with it yet] so it's nice to actually be able to really use the Internet, watch movies on Netflix, etc.

Deja vu all over again....the county has called yet again for an interview, and this time it is with the same office I interviewed with back in March. I would wager that I will end up meeting the same people again, and try to somehow convince them that something has changed in the last three months to where I am a good fit for the job that they have already turned me down for. I'm hoping I'm wrong.

Nice to get away from the miserable summer heat at home, too bad we go home tomorrow.

State of the Dis-Union.

I originally called this "75 posts" but it turns out I mis-read my Dorkography and this was more like 65 posts.

Sometimes I think about the purpose of this blog. I am doubtful whether "anyone is out there," and I guess this is about the same as writing in a Word file or what have you.
But I like the idea that this is available for people out there to read, even if no one ever does.

Doing some travelling next week, it will be a nice change of pace. I haven't really traveled anywhere [outside the immediate region] since last fall when I visited my hometown for my grandmother's funeral. Haven't even been to the larger cities within 2-3 hours of here.

No word on the county job, as I said, I'm not optimistic anymore so I will just consider it a pleasant surprise if I get a call. Someone did call today and I got momentarily excited, but then it turned out it was a recruiter [more vague promises, although give them kudos for keeping in touch.]

Allegedly, an unemployment extension may pass next week, which will give breathing room for most of the rest of the year---I will be able to move on to the next "tier" of unemployment benefits, and possibly the one after that.

One of my favorite writers just passed away, and I will write about that next time.

On to the next thing.

The county is supposed to let me know this week, we'll see. If I don't hear anything at all I'll assume I didn't get it.

A place I used to work at during grad school is hiring a bookkeeper, so I'm going to try that. It's a non-profit so the pay will be low but it is more in line with what I feel is my career goal these days. When I worked there before it wasn't in accounting/finance so it may be different this time. We will see what happens.

The Senate is back this week, so the whole unemployment extension drama will start again. It was kind of nice to not have to worry about it last week since they were on vacation. No idea what will happen, people have said "don't worry, they'll pass it," but they were saying that weeks ago and now millions of people have lost their benefits. If I do end up losing them I will probably try to temp and hopefully that can at least help out a little. Our income will be curtailed quite a bit at that point. I'm trying not to worry, but it is hard not to.

Give it a B. Maybe B-.

The interview....similar to the last county interview. Five questions, no real opportunity to ask questions or really interact. It wasn't as bad as last time because the job mainly involves basic accounting, not audit specific experience. Still not sure how well I measure up to the five or six other people. I'm not optimistic, it does not really pay to be these days.

More later. Finished DEAF SENTENCE.

Deaf Sentence

...is the title of a book by David Lodge, a British author I had not heard of. I saw the book in the store last week and liked the look of it, so I checked it out from the library. Just started it, it's funny but reads a lot like the average conversation with my father-in-law.

I never write about coffee, even though it is one of my favorite things. I used to like 7-11 coffee due to its price and the variety available, but have been off of it lately. It's starting to all taste the same. The main reason I am avoiding the 7/11 though is that I am tired of being panhandled and freaked out by scary meth head type people every time I go there.

I also tend to start avoiding places when the clerk/staff get a little too familiar with me and my comings and goings, asking personal questions, etc. That's just me.

Went to Starbucks today for that extra cup of coffee [we make coffee every morning but I always want more, and some different variety than what we have] only to find they have raised their coffee prices to the point where I ended up just getting a mocha latte because it costs the same. Won't be going back any time soon.

Wound up getting some Earl Grey tea from Trader Joe's, I'm just going to make a cup in the afternoons. It'll also save money, because even 7/11 coffee adds up if you get it every single day.

I'm trying not to think too much about the interview. I am preparing for it, but trying not to obsess, because I think I may not do as well if I do that. I'm a great fit for this, and need to let them know that. Need to review a few items about the basics of governmental accounting, read up more on the agency, and so on. I don't know if they will hand me a sheet of paper and tell me to answer the questions on it or if it will be a more informal interview, either way, I want to be ready.

Okay, maybe not....

Maybe not a post a day in July [already missed that this weekend] but 30-31 posts during the month?

Just saw an annoying movie called HAPPY TEARS. I wait for the day when a movie offers a realistic portrayal of children stuck caring for aging parents who often did not actually parent. No heartwarming crap, no life lessons learned. Just the sheer thanklessness, guilt, and misery, the lives deferred, the taking things out on others, the avoidance of responsibility, etc. Having a character mess his pants once or twice during the course of the film doesn't make up for it. It's also rare that you run into a situation where one of the children has the money and resources to care for the parent as happens here.

Will never happen. Who would want to see it? More importantly, who would put the money up to make it?

The movie was written and directed by Mitchell Lichtenstein, son of artist Roy Lichtenstein. Meaningless anecdotes: When I was a senior in high school we did a class trip to Washington DC. We went to a modern art museum [can't remember where, maybe the National Gallery] and they were doing a retrospective of Roy Lichtenstein. He actually was touring it at the time and started at me, probably trying to decipher my Simpsons T-shirt [the Simpsons were still pretty new at the time.]

In college, I dated a woman who worked for a famous photographer [or at least he was famous in photography/advertising circles.] He owned a huge funky old building in New York on the Bowery. Apparently, Roy Lichtenstein used to rent a floor of the building. A few years after that, I went to the Andy Warhol Museum in Pittsburgh, and saw some of Warhol's old mail in an exhibit. Some of it was from Roy Lichtenstein, and the return address was that very building where my girlfriend at the time had worked and where I had spent quite a bit of time when visiting her.
/meaningless anecdote.

Note to parents:

Your child's behavior is nowhere near as fascinating or interesting to other people as it is to you. That is all.

A post a day in July?

Can it be done?

Got a letter today regarding my interview. It actually is with the county, yes, same place as back in March. Difference is that this is more of an entry level position, Accountant I, and I would be working in a single department. I've already found some info online regarding the job, and after the interview in March I have an idea about some of the things they may ask about. I think they just took some of the top scorers from the exam in February who didn't get selected for the last job and are interviewing them for this. I think I have a good chance. Only bad part is, the county is laying off a lot of people. I don't know if they're laying off accountants, or if they would get rid of someone who just got there [and doesn't cost them as much as a senior person] but we'll see. Hopefully even if that does happen I can at least stay a year and be able to, yep, collect unemployment.

This could be really good. I am a much better match for this than some of the other things I've interviewed for.

Reading BIG MACHINE by Victor LaValle. I literally had to wait nearly half the year to get it. The library has one copy and it was in high demand. You'd think they would order more, but I guess they have the usual budget problems. Maybe they could order a few less copies of a best-seller than no one will remember in a year.

I've just barely started, but am intrigued to see what will happen next. A sort-of-ex-junkie gets a mysterious letter telling him it is time to pay back for something that happened nearly 20 years ago. He drops everything and heads to Vermont to live in a cabin with several others who have received similar letters. It seems like they are going to be entangled in a bizarre cult or pyramid scheme. I'm dying to find out. Great writing, a great main character, and a great story.

Also reading a long bio of Harry Truman, I guess that will be my long non-fiction book of the month that I may or may not finish. Last time it was the civil war narrative that I got 400 pages into before surrendering.

Excited.

I know I shouldn't be, but I'm excited about the interview next week. I will resolve to do my best, and if I do get the job that will be a bonus.

I have applied to other things as well, so this isn't the only thing I have going right now, but it's currently the best thing I have going. I've applied to a city government job that just closed that I should eventually have to do an exam for [pretty much the same as the the county job back in March, except no auditing I hope] and some accounts payable stuff that I probably won't be considered for.

Still no call from the Agency Everyone Hates. I don't know if I just didn't get picked this time, if I wound up not needing to be interviewed, or if they're just behind. There is a week before the interview period that the recruited told me about is over.
I will probably e-mail them next week.

Lots of exciting books coming out soon, but right now I only have a few. I am resolving to blog more this month, so I think I will cheat and post about them in a little while.

A positive sign...maybe.

Got a call this afternoon from another federal agency [not the one everybody hates.]
I applied for this job a couple of months ago and forgot all about it, but apparently I was deemed worthy enough for an interview next week. Job seems pretty daunting, I am gun shy regarding government job interviews after last time, but maybe things will be different this time, I don't believe this involves auditing so that will help.

Trying to look up info about the agency, the legislation that I may be working with, etc. It was nice to have some good news today. This would be a much better job than the Federal Agency Everybody Hates, much less conflict I would hope, and no travelling around.

A bad anniversary.

Last time I mentioned that an unpleasant anniversary is today. As you might have guessed [and I don't really know who I mean when I say "you," as far as I know no one has ever read this blog outside of my household,] it involves my employment situation.
It was one year ago today that I was finally let go at the Big Firm, ending a really miserable year. My early posts have gone over that whole disaster.

It also means that today [or tomorrow, I suppose] I officially join the ranks of the "long term unemployed." I'm still hoping for a call or some glimmer of hope regarding my federal job aspirations, that I will either be interviewed sometime in July or else they will use my prior interview and I will be contacted in August. The office to where I'm applying allegedly was having a hard time finding applicants, although I find this hard to believe given the unemployment rate here.

I've only had a handful of interviews over this past year. Things aren't good. This area is always economically depressed, and will probably be the last place to turn things around. It's not as bad as, say Detroit, but it's not good either.

I hear the same promises regarding unemployment extensions. I thank my lucky stars that I have an entire month before I'm cut off, even though they will be in recess for a good deal of that time I am still hoping they can get it done. If I am cut off some things will be easier, I can start to consider temporary or part-time work, and I won't have to document my job search. But I'm sure finding temporary or part-time work will not be any easier.

Oh well, I'm meeting my wife today for lunch, and hope to have a pleasant day. Maybe with time I will be able to put a lot of the bad events of the past couple of years behind me.

Same old song and dance.

The Federal Agency that Everyone Hates is supposedly calling people for interviews, they started last week. I'm hoping to get a call soon, but am not betting on anything. Been through this so many times. I've always been able to get at least an interview, but I am getting conflicting stories on whether I will get called to do it this time.

Supposedly, those who have interviewed within the last year don't have to do it again. That's what I heard from the national recruiting person, but when I contacted the HR person who is actually involved for the office to which I'm applying, they told me that I probably would have to do it again. So I guess if I don't hear anything, it won't necessarily mean I'm out of luck, at least until mid-August where I'll know if I don't hear anything that I didn't get selected. This will be my third attempt to get hired by this agency. I've been applying for other things each week, but haven't had anyone show any interest since the whole fiasco with that casino back in May.

In other pleasant news, right now it doesn't look like much is going to be done to extend unemployment benefits, so being cut off in August is a very real possibility.
I knew things might not go well when I quit seeing coverage about the legislation on the news. Right now if it isn't about Michael Jackson or the oil spill, nobody seems to care. At one point I thought that maybe the unemployed should dress up like Michael Jackson and slather themselves with oil, and maybe someone would be interested in our concerns.

Bad deal for everyone if they end up not being extended---obviously, those who lose benefits will have a bad time. Many are already making huge compromises regarding the work they are trying to get. I'm a CPA with a master's degree, but have been applying for accounts payable jobs that normally don't require more than an associate's degree. Still no luck. Even when these people are fortunate enough to find lower paying work, that pushes the people who would be better suited to those jobs down a level. I don't know why people don't understand that unemployment compensation helps to prevent this type of mass job displacement which ultimately means more people going on public assistance when they are pushed out of the job market altogether.

I'm still hoping they might get it together, and that it's just a political ploy to for each side to make the other look bad, but over this entire month I've heard nothing but assurances that it would eventually pass, that it was sure to pass this week, etc., but here we are, nearly a month later and no extension. I have about a month to figure out what to do if we end up losing out.

Another thing that troubles me is the unfairness of the system. If I do end up being cut off, I will have had around 46 weeks of benefits. That's less than half of the maximum 99 weeks available. It's all because of the timing of my unemployment claim.
Someone who lost their job a few months ago will be cut off at 26 weeks. I don't understand why they can't just have each person get a set amount of benefits instead of it all depending on when someone filed.

I'm in a sour mood in general this week, a very unpleasant anniversary is coming up on Wednesday.

Oh well, going to tag along with my wife today, she has a long distance work thing, so at least that should be fun. It's so important to get whatever pleasure you can out of life when things aren't working out.

Thriftin'....

I haven't mentioned that my wife and I are thrift store addicts. We generally go at least once a week. I check out books, my wife is into various vintage items [btw, in case you don't know, the rule is that if something is less than a hundred years old, it's vintage. Antiques have to be at least 100 years old. No joke, I think you can get in trouble if you have an ad for antiques that aren't actually old enough to be considered such.]

Anyway, over the years it's funny to see what pops up over and over in thrift store book sections, there are titles and authors that are almost always there, and you can definitely tell when a popular title is beginning to wane based on when it makes its debut at Salvation Army, Goodwill, etc. I see a lot of Dan Brown these days, and the occasional Harry Potter book.

Stephen King: Thrift store mainstay, usually his titles from the Nineties and later. His appearance certainly doesn't mean a decline in popularity, I think in his case it means the opposite, that the average household that has books to donate probably has at least one King title. I don't know if I've ever been to a thrift store that didn't have at least one King book. The earlier King is not as prevalent, but can still be found.

Garrison Keilor: Almost as prevalent as King, although for different reasons.
I think people get his books as gifts. Also, by now it's a cycle where people buy his books from thrift stores and then donate them later. I actually like his books, usually. I guess they don't lend themselves to long-term reading, and thus take up residence in the donation pile. Maybe NPR-demographic households are more likely to donate to thrift stores. Someone should do a study.

Rush Limbaugh: Sort of the book equivalent of a pet rock [and about as intelligent], his books are almost always there too. I guess it's hard to get excited about Nineties-era conservative talking points these days. Look out Anne Coulter, I've been seeing your books quite a bit over the past year, which may mean your time is up, probably for the same reason--no one cares about ranting from decades past. Wouldn't be surprised to see Glenn Beck here in a few years. I guess anything topical is doomed for the thrift store, along with copies of FUTURE SHOCK and THE POPULATION BOMB, and the Nineties books about how the Dow was going to hit 30,000.

Tom Clancy: Same as King, I guess. Probably when old military guys [or those who pretended to be such] take off for the Big Casino, their survivors dump a ton of these off onto the thrift stores.

When I lived in the Bay Area I'd find much better books at the thrifts. Those stores were more like going to a library or regular bookstore as far as the variety of titles available. But the old standbys like the ones on this list were always there too.

Generally, the better finds I have where I'm at now [city that is much more working/lower class, lower education level on average] are non-fiction, the fiction all tends to be the same stuff.