Wednesday, January 20, 2021

Deadly tedium....

It's winter now, and I'm still adjusting to it. The days are getting longer, thankfully. I try to remember to use a light therapy lamp half an hour a day. It's pretty cold and I often don't care to walk or go places like I used to. Which means staying in my apartment, which I don't really like. I still try to go out at least once or twice a week, though nothing like I was doing during summer and fall.

I don't really have an end goal anymore. Retirement, I guess. I feel like much of my life has been poorly spent, I guess that's a common thing to feel at this age. Trying therapy again soon. We'll see. Gotta keep moving. I hope the weather starts warming up in a month or two.

One of the hallmark signs of depression is losing interest in things you were once excited about, and I can say that's true. I have trouble reading. A lot of the online communities I enjoyed earlier this year have lost their appeal to me. I'm not really interested in exploring the city or even in going to many of the places I used to enjoy. I've kind of lost interest in going out and drinking. I can sometimes do passive activites like watching something online, but even then I often lose interest in shows. I tend to favor older movies these days just because they aren't so long.

I'm less fearful about 2021 after today, but really wonder what the year will bring.

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