Hunger is the best sauce

My [now ex] mother-in-law had a saying, “Hunger is the best sauce.” The sense of need, of lack, makes everything taste better. I had no electricity for most of the past week. All I could think of was how much I would enjoy things when the power came back on. My neighbors had all left after the first day or so without power. I had candles which had a overpowering floral scent that made my apartment smell like a grandmother’s house. My next door neighbor came by to check on his place and asked how I was doing, but was giving me a wide berth. I probably looked a little crazed. Someone who goes without heat and light for four days in winter might be capable of anything.

Without meaning to, I’ve developed a practice about many physical comforts, where denying them for a short while makes me appreciate them more. I am that way a lot about food, and heat/cooling. Heat feels wonderful when you’ve been very cold, but is not that remarkable if it is on regularly, even in winter. I tend to skip meals often, in order to more fully enjoy the meals that I do eat, and of course the benefit of weight loss. I freely admit to not having the healthiest relationship with food, and struggle with putting too many psychological associations on it. I often enjoy making myself uncomfortable in order to better enjoy it when the period of discomfort is lifted.

My electricity returned in time for the weekend. I was out walking, trying to see if there were any work trucks in my neighborhood. Seeing none, I began to despair, but then saw that a traffic light that had been out for days was now working. As I grew closer to my apartment, I saw more lights on. When I opened my door, I returned to the 21st century. Today I replenished the food I’d had to throw in the trash, though I noticed myself being hesitant to buy too many perishable items. I wonder if I will always be skeptical about electricity from now on, always assuming it could be taken away again at any moment. Perhaps that’s not the worst way to be. Earlier in the week, I was walking to an emergency warming center that had electricity to get some work done on my laptop. As I walked, I saw everything closed for blocks…gas stations not working, traffic lights out, businesses closed. I felt as if I was in the prologue of a dystopian film or novel, like The Road. Perhaps this was an early glimpse of the future.