Showing some balls....and then regretting it.

The county called *again* today and it was the same frickin' Auditor/Tax Collector office where I've interviewed three times now with the same people [and five times with the county overall.] I decided I was tired of going through all of this so I explained to the lady that I had interviewed there five times and it was obvious I didn't have the experience they were looking for, so I was going to pass. I think she was a little surprised.

It felt good, but now I'm starting to wonder if I should have gone ahead and interviewed. Maybe if it had been one of the other county offices, but this one has turned into a farce due to my interviewing there so many times.

Also have a paranoid thought that maybe they were offering me a job out of the blue, but why would they do that without interviewing again....I don't remember that they actually said interview, but I'm sure they did.

Really don't want to be here anymore, but in a difficult situation as far as preparing to leave....

Interview...

...actually went okay. Can't really think of any moments where I should have said something else. The interviewers were nice and didn't really "attack" or challenge the way a lot of other interviewers have, questioning my experience etc.

Guess we will see. I'm not betting on it, but will just consider it a happy surprise if the say yes. Should know in a couple of weeks.

200.

Maybe that is a good place to stop. Well, not stop, but be on hiatus for a while, to figure out what the ultimate purpose of this should be. Writing about my job seeking woes is incredibly demoralizing.

Speaking of which, I have an interview tomorrow, I have a fatalistic attitude at this point. I cannot snow these people, I am just some phony accountant who only has one year of experience on paper, which consisted of maybe two months of working and ten months of screwing around on the internet. Just going to try and put it all out there and see what happens.

What's changed?

Nothing.

I'm close to my birthday again, I'm depressed again, I have zero work prospects, the only thing different is that I'm on my last week of unemployment benefits, so things are going to be very tight from here on out. Only good part is I have more options. I can go part time and I can temp without worrying about having my benefits messed up. Going to try HR Block, it won't pay anything but I can at least stay sort of in my field. I hate my field, but it is the only area where I am nominally employable.

Going to force myself to do all the crap I hate doing, just to have something to put on the resume [joining a networking group of other unemployed people--not sure how good that is going to be.]

In years past, there used to be more career options for people with different personality types. Now it seems like you have to be a Type A or you don't work. You have to have a certain skill set or you don't work. No wonder everyone overeats, drinks, gambles, etc. It is a one size fits one world, and we're all trying to force a fit.

Reading Jo Nesbo and Henning Mankell, and a few other things. Hard to focus on things I enjoy these days.

What

I guess this was some kind of mispost, but I'm keeping it anyway.

"What" is as good a thing to say as any.

Funny stuff.

A while back I read NOTHING HAPPENS UNTIL IT HAPPENS TO YOU by T.M. Shine. It's about a newly unemployed journalist and his adventures. I liked it a lot, I could relate to some of it [mainly that he had an employed spouse.] Of course, the only part I didn't like was the "adventure" part. Unemployed people generally don't have adventures, or at least not the fun exciting kind. But nobody would want to read about that, so I don't blame him.

Anyway, he had a website going for a while [that I read about in Readers' Digest of all places, which was funny because the URL had the word "ass" in it.] I posted a comment once.

Today I decided to see what was going on there. I knew he hadn't updated anything on his twitter feed in a while, but I thought I'd see if it had more comments or something. It's now an abandoned URL, with links to various porn sites. Sure hope someone doesn't check out an old issue of Readers' Digest and try to visit it, or else they'll learn about how to find hot man on man ass action!

Swirling the toilet bowl.....

It's hot and miserable, and I have a lot of stuff to do.

Didn't get the county job. Not really a surprise, and I should be pleased that they got back to me so soon. I'm hoping that's it as far as county jobs go. I'm not going to bother taking the test next year. I won't be qualified for unemployment anymore, so I won't have to go through the charade of applying and interviewing for jobs that I have no chance at getting.

Hoping to maybe hear from the recruiter today. I suppose over the next couple of weeks I need to push to get temporary work. I think that is probably going to be the only avenue open to me. I applied at a place I used to work at back in grad school. It's for my old position, we'll see if they are interested. Doubt it, it'll be pretty obvious that I'm settling for that job [it's not even in accounting] and will want to move to something else as soon as I can.

Hard to convince people that I just want a low level job where I can learn and build experience over the long term.

I'm getting into reading about middle aged men in crisis again. I'm going to be 39 in just under a month and I'm probably already middle aged since most people kick off somewhere in their seventies. My grandfather is 86, but he's lived way longer than his father, or anyone else in his generation of our family.

I read a book called EVERYTHING HURTS about a 46 year old guy with various physical ailments that are related to his unresolved feelings, etc. Obvious the author is taking a dig at that one doctor who believes that all back problems are psychosomatic. A friend sent me his book once, I don't recall much about it other than my back problems did not resolve. I don't think I suppress my negative feelings, they are pretty much front and center.