Twilight of the Clod

Just a crap day today, not even In-N-Out could cheer me up....

My birthday is in a couple of days, and I guess that's part of it. Things just aren't good. I'm "on the backside of thirty" as an old country song goes, and although that isn't what's depressing me, just that I feel so far behind as far as where I thought I would be at this stage in my life. I am struggling to start a career. I have no retirement. I have no real stability. My quality of life in my later years is probably going to take a major hit due to all the events of the past few years as far as saving for retirement.

No idea if things will ever improve. I checked out a book of interviews with David Foster Wallace [Gen-X era writer who recently committed suicide] I guess in the hopes of getting some kind of perspective.

I ended up turning down what probably would have been a job---as a customer service rep. I feel guilty about it, but it was a shift that I don't think would work with our household's schedule, also, I guess I still have too much pride to do that kind of work. The whole reason I went to grad school, got into accounting, got my CPA, etc., was to get out of working weird non-standard hours and performing work that didn't require more than a HS diploma. This seemed like taking a major step backward.

Of course, I'm second guessing myself about it now, but I really hate talking on the phone and dealing with people so chances are I would not have done well at it. The main reason I'm having misgivings is that I began my career with the Quasi-Federal Agency with a Reputation for Workplace Violence in a similar, "temporary" position that ended up being a full-time job which I held for nearly seven years and which, sadly, is my most successful workplace experience to date.