What a man's gotta do....

So over the last week my wife and I have been talking, and we've come to the conclusions that I am probably not ever going to get a job here, and I need to start applying out of the area. I applied to one out-of-state job and yet another casino job located a few hours from here. I'm about to apply to a couple of other jobs out of state, back in the area where I attended college which is about an hour from where I grew up. I just really need to have something going by the time unemployment runs out this summer. It would be difficult short term, but in the long run it would be closer to what we want for our lives, to move away from here and start a new life.

I'll still continue to apply to things here as I find them, and I'm still holding out a little hope that the job I interviewed for a few weeks ago might produce something in February, but I'm mostly writing that one off. I noticed the ad for it has been reposted. That could be automated, or it could mean they've decided to go in another direction.

Trying to whittle down the "inventory" of library books. I picked up MORE BOOK LUST, a list of recommended reading from a librarian and that has me putting in a new list of library holds. I'm trying not to overdo it, keeping it to a couple at a time. I need to make a spreadsheet of the books...I know it sounds ridiculous but my reading activity is my main source of enjoyment these days.

I finished MAN IN THE WOODS by Scott Spencer. It was good overall, but had a couple of things that I've seen in a lot of books, things that I find irritating. The first thing I believe I have complained about before--taking too long to get to the action or event that sets the story in motion. I don't mind some back-story, especially with a longer novel, but this was a quick less-than-300 page read, and I believe the story didn't really get going until past page 50.

The second thing is something that I view to be kind of like cheating. I like when books work toward their endings gradually--where you see that the author is working toward an ending that brings it all together. Those are the most satisfying books. What I dislike are "twist-like" endings where the ending is brought about by something that happens during the last few pages, something that hasn't really been developed much by the author over the course of the book. That's what happens here, and it bugged me. It's still an okay read.

A change of mind....

I ended up applying for the job way out of state today. Odds are good that I won't even get a response. I think if I actually lived in the area I might, because I'm actually a decent fit for the position.

Of course, the fact that I dread the idea of going over there may result in my actually getting the job. I'd have to fly over, rent a car, and then try to purchase a car on short notice. It would be too risky to take the car I'm driving now, although it's been pretty serviceable to me in the past few years [only having to be in "full time" use during my year at the Big Firm, and getting mostly light usage the rest of the time.] Don't know if it could handle a four day drive cross country, or if it would last long afterward.

It would just be so hard, though. I know no one there, have never been there, and would be totally alone.

Oh well, I will worry about it if they call about an interview. The job has been posted since summer so I'm guessing it might either be non-existent or have some other issue where it isn't going to be filled.

The shoemaker's kids go barefoot.

I'm a little better than when I last wrote. I just have to believe there is something out there somewhere. We're continuing to discuss thing about that job, but I'm guessing I'm not going to apply. The job was posted back in August so I suspect there is something not right about it anyway.

Re-reading SCHULZ AND PEANUTS. I have a copy boxed up somewhere but I just checked it out from the library.

We're going to owe quite a bit of tax this year. So much for my stellar tax planning skills. I still put "Accountant" as my occupation on my tax return even though I haven't actually done accounting work since March of 2009 [I was fired in early summer of that year, but I had absolutely no work to do after around mid-March. I counted it up, and I worked approximately two months out of the year I was there.] We owe because we had to cash out our remaining retirement accounts last year in order to pay property taxes and homeowner's insurance. I've had to cash out everything over the last couple of years. My mistake of working for the Big Firm is truly the gift that keeps on giving.

Sunday blues

We saw a job way, way, out of state today and thought about applying, but it would be a really difficult thing. My wife and I would probably have to be separated for a year or more. Getting this house ready to put on the market is really a two person job, minimum. If I leave, the odds are it wouldn't happen, and I'd just have to move back again. Also, my unhappiness on having to be alone would probably translate to lack of interest and self-sabotage at whatever job i got. Anyway, I decided not to apply.

Just wish like hell I could find some kind of job here where we are.

I've made so many mistakes. I feel like at some point we should be given the chance to rectify things, especially when the mistakes involve things like taking the wrong job or going about a career change the wrong way. It's not like I've committed a crime or something. But it sure feels that way sometimes.

The exit strategy....

So I have put last week's interview fiasco behind me--just trying to view it as good that I managed to get an interview in January. I've gotten interviews during the winter months this past year, which is a positive. Last year that period was basically completely dead as far as job prospects.

Assuming this last thing doesn't pan out, we're thinking about my moving back to my original home state and my wife will have to join me later on. We thought about my trying to move to more economically viable areas of this state, but a quick scan of Craigslist reveals that things don't seem much better there than here for someone like me.

There is one government job I am probably going to apply to, and I may visit and job hunt later this year. I have mixed feelings about moving back. I will enjoy being closer to family, but I dislike a lot of things about my home state. I will put up with it if it means being able to restart my career and possibly having a better, more stable life.

Finished a great book about the Comanche called EMPIRE OF THE SUMMER MOON. I like how it doesn't flinch from the brutality on both sides of the Indian wars. I am Indian and I get tired of the politically correct treatment of Indian people, as if they led some kind of perfect divine existence and were not warlike, violent, etc., until they were corrupted by the whites. Some tribes actually perpetuate this today, the principal chief of my tribe likes to talk about how there is no word for "competition" in our tribal language. Perhaps not, but that doesn't mean the concept does not exist.

Anyway, EMPIRE OF THE SUMMER MOON is fascinating reading about the development of horse warfare among the Comanche [who developed into what many believe to be the best light cavalry in history] and about Quannah Parker, one of their last, most prominent leaders.

I'm going to have to clear the deck of books pretty soon, there is a lot of stuff in transit. I will probably drop the book on Stalin, although it's entertaining, it's also pretty repetitive, lots of killing and betrayal for nearly 600 pages. It sounds more interesting than it is--usually it happened in a very bureaucratic fashion. Still, might be something I pick up again later on. I've started doing that with some of the longer history books.

Even worse....

I didn't exactly get a "no" this time, but now allegedly they are delaying hiring until sometime next month. Apparently they are making an acquisition that the controller somehow did not know about yesterday, and they don't want to bring someone on in the middle of it. So there *might* be another interview next month.

It seems like every time I have an interview, the process gets more and more excruciating and I feel like I'm being treated worse and worse. I'm just really despairing that I'll ever get a job, and even if I do, that I won't be miserable doing it.

Thinking back....

One year ago, I was getting ready for an interview with the Federal Agency Everyone Hates. I had to fly on short notice to a city in the Northwest, book a hotel, etc, all for an interview that ended up being maybe 30 minutes tops. And obviously, I ended up not getting the job. The job would have been miserable, and my wife and I had about decided to turn it down had I ended up being offered it. But that's how desperate we were at the time, my wife had not gotten her current job and we were having to subsist on my unemployment and my father-in-law helping with the bills.

I am hoping to get good news today, maybe later this morning. If not, well, I've been in this situation before, although this time will sting particularly hard. The other jobs I've tried for were all jobs that would be a stretch for me at my current level of experience and ability, and I am not sure I would have succeeded at any of them. None of them were really willing to train me. This is genuinely an entry level opportunity.

I woke up at 2:30 this morning thinking about this and never got back to sleep. I really hope to hear something today, one way or the other. I feel like I almost have to, they want someone to start on Monday.

To the bitter end....

Looks like no answer today---the recruiter e-mailed and said that the controller wasn't able to meet with his boss today, so there won't be an answer till tomorrow.

Oh well, back to reading. I know that someday [I hope soon] I will probably feel nostalgic about this period in my life, the way people often feel fondness towards times in their life that didn't seem that fun when they were actually happening.

The waiting game, accelerated...

Interview went really well, but the guy [he's the controller] is concerned that I might leave when the economy picks up. The recruiter is actually going to really work to get me hired [mainly because the only other finalist is not going through a recruiter.] I should hear something in a couple of hours. It sounds like a great opportunity, with a lot of training and support. And it is not public accounting!

He apologized profusely about all the delays, which pretty much made up for it. I think it probably was better that we were at the Starbucks, we were able to talk together and get it over with.

I should know something in a couple of hours. He has to meet with the GM, and then will contact the recruiter, who has already followed up with me [and he spoke with her after the interview both about what he is enthusiastic about and his concerns.]

Things may be changing very soon, I hope. I'm going to allow myself at least to do that.

Update...

...have the interview tomorrow. Apparently the reason we're not meeting at the office is because the person [the controller] doesn't want to deal with constant interruptions.

It's in aviation, which is interesting. I love how recruiters always give no details at all until the interview is set. There was actually a website to refer to this time which is always good. I'm trying to find out all I can about the accounting practices in that industry. Guess we'll see...I am not going to expect a lot out of it, just want to do the best I can.

The Recruiter Runaround....part two.

So looks like I *probably* have an interview tomorrow through the recruiter who apparently has the flakiest client ever. I'm hoping this won't be as big of a waste of time as my last recruiter-arranged interview was [with the old guy who wanted me to buy his tax practice in a few years.] This is non-public accounting, supposedly entry level, but I am really put off by the difficulty we've had in getting the interview together. It really seems like the interview is not a priority for the client, and even now, we're meeting in a Starbucks, after the recruiter originally wanted us to meet at 5 PM in their offices. What type of place is this where the person can't take one hour out of the workday to interview someone?

I'm not optimistic that this will be a good opportunity, but I'm really starting to grasp at straws here, and at least it's not public accounting. But it may also not be the long-term experience that I really need to get established. It will also mean a goodbye to working in public accounting, although I do not really have a problem with that. I'm just hoping it isn't horrible to where it is another bad experience that ends up messing things up years later, similar to the Big Firm.

What's the zip code for Memory Lane?

Two things inspired [well, that's being a little generous] me to do this next post. I mentioned earlier that I still dream about my job at the Federal Agency Known for Workplace Violence even though I've been gone from there over seven years now. I also just finished a novel called MAILMAN by J. Robert Lennon [author is actually named John Lennon, which is why of course he uses the first initial. He was born in 1970, I wonder if he had hippie parents, although of course it could be a family name. As usual, I digress.]

MAILMAN is about a fifty-seven year old letter carrier named Albert Lippincott who works in a small college town in New York. The novel is basically a catalog of his various failures and traumas. J. Robert Lennon obviously has spent time either as a postal worker [doubtful, he's written several other novels] or has done his research [there's a lengthy list of acknowledgements at the end] because Albert is like a lot of people I used to work with, and a lot like me during that time of my life, a solitary creature of routine [although he is not nearly as solitary as I was] whose life tends to revolve around a job that he loves and hates at the same time. When that job is jeopardized, his world of course falls apart.

The story is told through a lot of flashbacks, often the events in the novel's present lead to Albert remembering events of his past [usually bad,] such as his failure in college, his mental illness, his aborted attempt to work for the Peace Corps, his romantic flings, his failed marriage, and so on. Albert is a prime example of the overeducated postal worker: someone who went to college [in his case, briefly] but for whatever reason failed to leverage that into a career, and found their way into the post office. That basically describes me and at least a few of my co-workers [although not too many, I imagine you'd see more in a location where there was a higher level of educational attainment on average.]

Anyway, although I never carried mail [which generally is considered the most difficult job in the Post Office, although I would say window clerk is a close second--any position where you're caught between the public and management is not an easy one] I identified quite a bit with Albert, and imagine had I been able to stick around I most likely would have ended up quite a bit like him, although probably less interesting. I had a pretty solid routine which I liked to follow, and I tended to have my life revolve around my job. And unfortunately, I still have fond memories of a lot of my postal career, although not the last year and a half or so of it. BTW, I worked in a mail sorting facility, working with a gigantic machine that sorted magazines and large envelopes, a.k.a. "flats." Back in 1996 I started out doing data entry at something called a "remote encoding center," we keyed address information so that mail could be properly sorted, but technology improved to where that was automated, so I ended up working the flat sorter gig more or less for the rest of my career [from spring 2000 to fall of 2003.]

I don't think I would have been able to stick around even if I'd wanted to. Over the past 15-20 years they have been moving toward increased automation and less of a need for employees. Couple that with the economic meltdown and that spelled trouble for people like me who were fairly late to the party [my "seniority date" was in 1997, and I would have had to make it until 2029 to reach retirement.] It was pretty commonly known even a decade ago that if you didn't already have 20 years under your belt or close to it that you were going to have to find something else at some point in the future; the writing was on the wall even then as far as the long term viability of the USPS.] They probably wouldn't have laid people off, or at least not anyone with the seniority I had back then, but they would have closed facilities and moved people around to where they would have to quit. This has been happening a lot since I left, they've abolished jobs and forced employees to work at a location over a hundred miles away, they've eliminated entire shifts, etc. My last job I had with them was really the only job there that I was good at, when I had to move to other work areas I was stressed beyond belief. So, as bad as stuff is now, and as nostalgic as I am for my former career, I know that long term, leaving was the right thing to do. I certainly have made my share of mistakes since then [getting a master's degree in accounting instead of just an associates is probably toward the top of the list] but I think I am better off than I would have been had I tried to stay.

No decision....

Heard back just now, they said they are still going through the interview process which is taking longer than they expected, and will let me know when they come to a decision.

So, not horrible news, but not great either, because I'm guessing the people who they meet with last will seem fresher in their minds than someone who interviewed over two weeks ago. Of course, I don't know how many they are hiring either.

Or this could just be a way to weasel out of telling me that I didn't make the cut. No way to know, really.

Oh well, it's better than getting crappy news about it which would make me even more depressed.

A double post day....

I'm really trying to up the quantity, if not the quality. Actually, I've been re-reading Bill Tuomola's old zine THE WYMAN WEEKLY. I can't remember how I first discovered him or his other zine EXILED ON MAIN STREET, I think it was some random late night internet search I did back during one of my nights off at my old graveyard shift post office job [which I dreamt about the other night. Haven't worked there for over seven years now and I still dream about the place.] Anyway, reading his old stuff has made me want to write more. I really identified with his situation, being underemployed in an office and just trying to get by. Of course, I imagine he was much younger than I was when I was doing that---I was thirty-six years old!

I am going to try to figure out what's going on with my latest job interview today. And I'm also going to go to Taco Bell and do my Biggest-Loser fatty thing where I eat fast food in my car. I did ride the exercise bike yesterday, and it was okay. Might try to do it today. Maybe.

My next post will hopefully give an answer about what I may be doing the rest of this year---either working or trying to get ready to move.

Good news!

Haven't heard about the job, but I did just score 486 points playing Scrabble. I'll be sure to mention that next time I'm asked in an interview about what I've been doing all this time. "Improving my Scrabble skills."

I play against the computer mainly, although my wife and I will have vicious Scrabble matches sometimes on weekends. Computer play is easier, I've never done nearly as well with a regular board. It's funny, most people think it's about coming up with all sorts of words, but the game is really more about numbers in a lot of ways...knowing how to make the best use of premium tiles, trying to create "hooks" for other words, in hopes of coming up with a "bingo," a play that uses all seven tiles and earns a bonus of 50 points on top of whatever else you get. But if you luck into the right combinations, you don't need bingos, one of my highest all time plays only involved five tiles, the word QUADS, with the Q being a triple letter tile and the S triggering a Double Word Tile both for QUADS and another longer word that had a lot of other high value tiles. I think it ended up earning somewhere in the 80 point range, which is more than many bingos earn.

Oh well, back to reading.

Nope, not yet.

Haven't heard anything, no rejection letter in the mail, nothing.

I have been down this road so many times. Wish I could get some idea.

Been wanting to read some Philip K. Dick, and it probably won't be helping my mental state any, but I don't care. I finished [again] DIVINE INVASIONS by Lawrence Sutin and now I want to revisit some of PKD's work.

Have a ton of chores to do. I am bad at most of them, but someone has to do them, even half-assedly. Our lives are so backward.

More of the same...

...waiting to hear about the last interview. Starting to lose my optimism.

This may be the last hurrah as far as finding a job here. If so, we may start working toward moving this year, although we're not sure yet where to.

Finished MATTERHORN. One of the few books where the glossary is as interesting as the book. Did you know the Tet Offensive was basically a North Vietnamese version of "The Night of the Long Knives," a purge of certain elements? The North Vietnamese Army basically set the Viet Cong up to be slaughtered by the Americans, to get them out of the way.

More later. I'm still hoping that I might hear something today, I will contact them if I haven't heard anything by Thursday.

The Obligatory Year in Review....

2010 could have been worse considering that I was unemployed the entire year. Things have worked out to where I will be able to get the full amount of unemployment benefits. My wife got a job which is good in some ways [income] bad in others [getting more and more entrenched in a place where we don't want to live and where I can't seem to find a job.]

On the job searching front, I estimate that I applied to at least 120-130 jobs. I had eleven interviews. Out of those, I have probably had a legitimate shot at two of the jobs for which I'd interviewed [the casino job, and this last accounting firm job that I am still holding out some hope for.]

My weight loss hasn't been that successful. The only positive is that I have not gained all of it back yet, and if I start now my weight loss program can continue with me still being about 25-30 pounds less than when I started in fall of 2009.

I didn't visit my family in 2010 at all, although my parents visited me over the summer. This is the longest period I've ever gone without coming home, I haven't been there in around sixteen months.

I am hoping 2011 is kinder to us, and that I can either find a job soon, or that we can be moved to a place where I can be back in the workforce by the end of the year.