Call damnit call....

Playing the Waiting Game. Did not get anything in the mail today, so no news is good news. I keep a pen and paper with my cell phone at all times, even when I'm out running errands [in the past they've had a penchant for calling when I'm driving somewhere.] I still wouldn't be surprised to never hear anything about it--if I get no news in Saturday's mail, I will assume that's what happened.

Found a new government type job to apply to. Hopefully I can put my interviewing experience with the county job to work…see, no experience is ever wasted. I try to make some kind of sense of all the various misfortunes over the past few years, sometimes I can, sometimes I can’t. I’m hoping that eventually I will have enough “close, but no cigar” interviews in order to finally reach the point where I can do a good interview. Right now…well, I don’t think I’m really bad at it, just that there are always problems with me as a candidate. I can’t mention often enough how disappointed I am with my performance in that last interview. When stressed I tend to ramble and I’m sure it is really irritating to the interviewer.


It’s strange…I used to be much more comfortable in those situations than I am now. I used to speak in front of relatively large groups, took a course in Public Speaking [where I earned an A] and so on. Now I can’t even interview for a job without either seeming all shaky and panicky or else messing up some other way. Don’t know what the solution is, but I’m hoping that I improve a little bit each time. Interview I had before this one, my mind wandered too much while they were talking to me and I think they noticed. This past one, I was able to focus more, but rambled too much in answering questions. I try to imagine possible questions and responses in my head beforehand, rehearsing everything, but tend to crack under pressure.

Part of it may be because I often have to say things that aren’t necessarily true. Does everyone do that? I talk about how important it is to be able to communicate well with co-workers and supervisors when working on projects, yet one of the biggest complaints on my final evaluation at the Big Firm was my inability to do just that. I suppose it isn’t a lie since I am aware of the importance of it, I just have problems doing it, although I really think that next time would be different.

I wonder where the line is between "puffery" and outright lying. I've never made anything up, I've just glossed over things that are issues for me. A lot of the skills people look for these days are things that I have trouble with. I don't think there's anything wrong with saying you are good at things that may not necessary be strengths, as long as there are no outright fabrications [like saying you worked someplace you didn't, had experiences you didn't, etc.] I suppose nearly everyone does this, but sometimes I think, "Well, what do you expect? Your qualities are generally the opposite of what they want." But that's probably just me being negative. Still difficult to form a plan for interviewing when the main activity is to conceal things that would most likely be a red flag to interviewers. I probably shouldn't worry about it, doesn't look like my attempts at subterfuge have worked yet.

This other government job sounds like a better fit for me, seems to consist more of basic accounting functions for a single entity, although it would be a more limited range of experience than the county accountant/auditor job.

SOUND AND THE FURY is in transit, can't wait, although it will be hard going. I believe I've tried Faulkner before, but I am a more focused reader than I was then. I've had lots of practice over the past four or five months.

Almost time to start the Fitzgerald bio too!